Nothing takes the wind out of our sails more quickly than a few critical comments made by the wrong person at the wrong time.
How ironic then that the worst critic you’ll ever encounter is the one living rent-free in your own gorgeous head.
Ah-ha….you know what I’m talking about.
You’re strolling down the street and a stranger yells, “Hey you…yeeeah you there…ya hopeless, undeserving lump of good-for-nothingness… that’s what you are.”
You’d respond, right? Of course you would. Something witty. And big and clever.
Since you’re a classy chica and pavement yelling matches are un-cool, you might not respond aloud but you’d certainly ‘talk back’ in your mind.
Which begs the question…..
Why don’t we talk back to the critic yelling in our own head?
Day after day, WE crucify OURSELVES with finger-pointing nass-tay-ness.
And don’t we don’t respond. (Either aloud OR in our minds).
We take it on the chin and, like anyone who’s been subjected to a barrage of criticism, we feel bruised and battered and, swiftly we head for the fridge, the vending machine or that third helping of chocolate cake.
Well, don’t we?!
Speaking to you as a reformed emotional overeater it is absolutely vital that you learn to have a meaningful conversation with your inner critic.
If you don’t learn how to ‘talk back’ and question the validity of its accusations, you’ll continue to hen-peck yourself with finger-pointing monologues.
And unabated… the overeating will continue.
Accusations of The Inner Critic
Our inner critics are very conversationally limited. The usual topic is you and your apparent imperfections.
– Unless you’re Size 0 perfection, you’re deeply deeply flawed.
– If they knew the ‘real’ you, they’d leave you.
– You’re NOT GOOD ENOUGH, so bring on the lack of confidence.
– It’s only time before they ALL find out you’re a fake.
– If you fail at something, it’s because YOU’RE a failure.
How’d you go?
If you ticked all of the above accusations and added a bunch of your own, you’re in good company.
Look at this exercise with a mindset of curiosity. It’s NOT a chance to beat yourself up. Awareness is 95% of the puzzle. You can ONLY change something once you are aware of it.
How To Tame Your Inner Critic
Here’s a gem of wisdom that can transform your life in an instant.
Just because you have a voice in your head – YOU DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO IT.
You are NOT the conversation you have with yourself in your mind.
You may be thinking, “What conversation? What is she talking about?”
How would you like to disengage from the exhausting mental chatter?
Here’s three tips you can use immediately to mute your inner critic so you can get on with igniting your thinner sparkle.
1. Next, please
The next time your head fills with disapproving voices, simply tell yourself, “next, please”. Remember, just because there’s a voice in our head doesn’t mean we have to listen to its pontifications.
You’d wouldn’t listen to a CD you don’t enjoy, so why would you listen to thoughts in your head that don’t serve you?
It’s YOUR head, you get to chose which tracks to play. Take ownership. Chose wisely and kindly.
2. Sod off, right now
Some clients take the strong language approach to handling their inner critics.
“Sod off!!!” works particularly well for one client.
Another tells her persistent negative thoughts to Foxtrot-Uniform-Charlie-Kilo Off. ..
Find out what works for you. Get creative and discover what specific wording gets you into a good resourceful emotional space when the inner critic kicks in.
3. Thank you
If “Next, please” or the stronger “Yo, take a running jump” approaches don’t work for you, there is a more graceful way.
One of the key roles of your unconscious mind is to keep you safe, which it achieves by keeping you in your comfort zone. Recognise the intention of the critical voice is positive.
And sometimes the three-year-old child in us all simply needs to hear, “Thank you, I hear you, I love you” and having heard this, off it will pop and play quietly.
Over the next week pay particular attention to how you talk to yourself. I encourage you to play and start having a chat with your inner critic.
Quit The Self-Abuse
It’s a curious aspect of human behaviour. We are always willing to take more abuse from ourselves than we would ever accept from anyone else.
With these three techniques you can quit subjecting yourself to self abuse. And start doing unto YOURSELF as you would have others do unto you.
Life is short.
And it’s also too darned long to live in a body at your unhappy weight or carry an inner voice that is critical.
So go on….have a chat with your inner critic and get your thinner sparkle on.
Love etc, Avril