“If you could kick the person in the trousers responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” Mr & Mrs Anonymous
Let me ask you something laydees.
How many of you do stuff that is completely incongruent with your weight loss goals?
You’re smart enough to recognise this stuff as being detrimental…..and yet….you DO IT ANYWAY?
“I ordered pizza AND fries? I was going to order salad.”
“Ohhh helicopter, I hit the snooze button instead of hitting the gym.”
“Scoffing a bag of jetplanes isn’t ideal but …um…well……mañana I’ll eat fruit…”
Logically we know exactly what we need to do (and to stop doing) to lose weight … and yet like some numpty:
We. Still. Do. The. Very. Thing. That. Prevents. Us. From. Being. Our. Happy. Weight.
No erudite chica would purposefully do something that keeps ‘em from their goal weight.
Or would they…
Why? Why? Why?
Whenever you do something that moves you away from your weight loss goal you’re in the grasp of a juicy payoff.
You want that in English?
It means you perceive more pain around change, than you do pain around staying the same (key word here is ‘perceive). Because of this perception, you do crazy stuff which keeps you in the same ole spin cycle.
Phew. . . so this craziness has a name?
The key to appreciating our payoffs is this:
You’re getting something out of it. Read that again, it’s important you get this, gorgeous one.
Everything we do…even the detrimental stuff… we do because we GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT.
Don’t bother telling yourself that you are the exception to this rule.
There are zero exceptions to this rule.
If you breathe …you’re under the influence, sweetheart.
I’ll say it one more time.
No juicy payoff, no repetition. Period.
“But I reaaaaaaaaaaally want to lose weight.” I know you do, darling.
At least consciously you want to. Remember though… our actions stem from the unconscious mind.
When you sabotage it’s because your unconscious mind reckons there’s benefits to staying overweight.
I know you’re thinking, “Well that’s just crazy because there’s NOTHING I like about being overweight,” but hang in there with me for a second.
This is where it gets really interesting.
Here’s a bunch of the most commonly-cited payoffs from my clients. Which of the following ring bells for you?
If I lost weight:
– It’d change the dynamics of my relationships. I’d probably leave him or have an affair.
– I’d have to get out of my comfort zone and that’s scares the sh*t outta me.
– I don’t know who I would be I’ve been overweight for so long.
– I’d need to deal with conflict rather than hiding.
– I’d have to learn to say no to people, opportunities and food.
– I need to handle rejection and learn how to deal with bad days without food.
– I might have to look at other areas of my life that aren’t working.
– It’d make all those people who have criticised my weight “right”.
– I’d have to take responsibility for myself.
– I might still be unhappy.
Essentially we’re giving ourselves mixed messages: the conscious one, “I want to lose weight’’, and the unconscious one, “yeah, if I lose weight then I don’t get to hide” (or whatever it is for you).
No wonder we do sabotage-y stuff!
Here’s how to eliminate this destructive, illogical, cray zay behaviour. Nail this and you’re removing one of the biggest obstacles to you being your happy weight.
Step 1: Get real about what your payoff is. There might be more than one.
Next time you even consider embarking on a destructive behaviour (or you catch yourself smack bang in the midst of said harmful behaviour), ask yourself:
“What am I getting out of doing this?
“What do I get to avoid by staying the same?”
“What are the benefits of not losing weight?”
And think, darling. Really dive down beyond the shallow waters.
We ALWAYS know why we’re doing crazy stuff and how it is serving us. Sometimes, we’ve just forgotten or don’t want to admit it to ourselves because if we live in denial we get to stay the same and we humans LOVE familiarity.
It is vital that you’re gentle with yourself when you’re exploring you’re payoffs. No need to beat yourself up. They were originally installed as self-protection and survival mechanisms, they had a positive intention.
Safety’s a big one.
Let’s go back to caveman days for a second. The feeling of a full stomach was a biological signal of comfort in that, for the moment at least, we’d avoided the famine. We were safe from harm.
Fast forward to now and, take it one step further, we get that same feeling of ‘safety’ whenever any uncomfortable or unfamiliar feeling threatens to take us over.
And here’s the interesting twist.
If we grab for a comforting food fast enough, we can avoid consciously feeling that unpleasant emotion in the first place.
Interesting, isn’t it?
Step 2: Hold yourself accountable and look at the big fat cost.
When you find yourself doing the old thing…..STOP.
Congratulate yourself for noticing that you were running that old, crappy, unresourceful habit.
And ask yourself this: “Am I prepared to pay the price this behaviour will cost me in the long term?”
It’s breathtaking how quickly the appeal of overeating is lost when you are honest with yourself and you see the impact on your health and confidence, versus some ephemeral oral sensation.
So there you go, darling.
You now have a couple of carefully-crafted questions which, when used, will free you from the hostage-holding shackles of your unconscious mind and allow you to move towards your happy weight easily and effortlessly.
Remember you have to USE these questions. Knowing them and not using them will not help you lose weight. Knowledge – WITH ACTION – will bring results.
Let us know in the comments section what payoffs have until now been holding you back and, what action you’re going to take, right now? Inspire us all with what’s going to be different now. Share and we’ll keep you accountable : )
Juicy love etc, Avril
PS: If you’re sitting there saying, “none of those payoffs ring any bells for me”, it’s probably the old power of familiarity. If you’ve been overweight for years, it’s VERY familiar! Human beings have a deeply coded need for familiarity, so track down a new way of providing consistency and familiarity… something with fewer calories : )