Many women I talk to feel stuck in a pattern of ‘delayed happiness’.
Just today, I met a gorgeous woman who felt that her life was an “unending act of postponement”.
Does this resonate with you at any level?
Do you ever tell yourself, “If only could lose weight”, “earn more money” or “meet my prince charming”, then my life would be a fairy tale? Yadda yadda yadda…
Well, here’s the thing, darling…happiness isn’t ‘out there’. Happiness is an inside job.
You already know this intuitively. And like any other skill, it can be learned.
Fortunately, happy folk leave clues. They have a certain mental habits that we can emulate to re-ignite our inner happy.
Why not use them to get out of the “I’ll be happy when…” rut?
1. Let go of grudges
Forgiving is necessary for your own happiness. Any resentment, anger, hurt et al that you hold towards another person, you unconsciously hold towards yourself. When you let go of grudges, you free yourself from negativity and create space for positivity.
2. Say “thank you”, often
Happy people are grateful people. Saying “thank you” is linked to happier moods, greater optimism and improved physical health. “So, um, yeah, thanks for reading!”
3. Realise you don’t need others’ approval
Understand, right here and now, that what other people think of you is none of your business. Learn to not care (in the best possible way) because worrying about others’ opinion only limits you. The irony is that if you realised how infrequently other people do think of you, you’d give not another anxious thought about seeking their validation!
4. Speak kindly … to yourself + others
When you speak kindly, your brain produces feel-good hormones. While it can be tempting to gather around the water cooler to gossip, don’t. Talking negatively about others is like bathing in negativity – your body soaks it up. Instead, make it a point to only say kind words about other people, (and yourself) and you’ll feel happier.
5. Create great expectations
Go ahead and expect great things. Our expectations directly influence our results. Routinely anticipate the wonderful. Expect to be liked, expect good things to happen, expect the sun to shine – every day, one day at a time.
6. Learn to bounce back
It’s not how many times you stumble or plateau that count. It’s how many times you get back up. Nothing is permanent. Slap on that sticking plaster, slip into your big girl knickers and keep on keeping on. Just take the next small step.
7. Check your address
Where do you live, emotionally-speaking? Permanent negative emotions are not compulsory. Embrace the message underneath the emotion, take action (if you need to), then let it go. Guilt, anxiety and fear weigh heavily in our heart….and on our hips.
8. Live in the present
Tomorrow never ever comes. Tomorrow will always be tomorrow. The only place you can be – and do anything useful – is here, now. So be here, now.
9. Move your body
Like all living things, your body was designed to move. Exercise boosts health-promoting brain chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, which help relieve stress and depression. Rather than viewing exercise as a tool to lose weight – view exercise as a daily stress reducer. Weed the garden, walk your dog, dance. Find something you love and get your heart beating. Move it, move it, move it!
10. Hang with positive peeps
The saying “misery loves company” is entirely true. Choose friends who are optimistic and happy, so you can be surrounded with positive energy. Remember, you’ll become the average of the five people you hang out with, so distance yourself from armchair critics, nay-sayers and sinkers.
11. Get clutter-free
Clutter suffocates. It constipates and stymies the flow. Charity shops are happy homes for anything you don’t absolutely love. Create space for new possibilities and help the community. Bits n pieces, stuff and knick knacks take up space in your physical environment, and also in your mind.
12. Comparison is a no-win game
There’s always someone who’s slimmer, funnier or who has more pots of gold. You have no idea what their journey is about. Measure your own success based on your progress alone, not that of others. Stick to your own business.
13. Ditch the excuses
It’s oh-so-easy to blame other people for our screw-ups. But doing so means you’re unlikely to rise past them or learn. Happy people take responsibility for their mistakes, then use the screw-up as an opportunity to change for the better.
14. Make peace with your past …
…so it won’t mess with your present. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you, and no one else. Your parents did the best they could. Now it’s up to you.
And, finally…Celebrate YOU, sweetheart.
There is no one on this vast planet quite like you. Really. You’re unique, perfectly brilliant and absolutely deserving of happiness, right now…exactly…as…you… are.
Happy love etc, Avril
PS: If you need help making peace with your past, are challenged loving your body, or just want to learn to celebrate YOU, hypnotherapy can help. Why not drop me a line and together we’ll re-ignite your inner happy.