A major stumbling block for women, especially women looking to lose weight, is the inability to say “no” without feeling very, very guilty.
For many of us, saying “no” triggers our deepest fears.
“Uh-oh, I’m unkind/not-good-enough/not-loving-enough (…fill in the blank…) and other people will see I’m unkind/not-good-enough/not-loving-enough.”
Many clients I work with overeat because they can’t say “no.”
And I’m not talking about food here. Well, not specifically.
I’m talking about all those times during the day where you nod “yes” instead of politely declining.
If you aren’t ‘owning your “no”‘, you’re probably gaining weight
Many of us women are conditioned from birth to believe it’s feminine, and somehow attractive, to put other people’s needs first. And, if we don’t, then we’re “selfish”.
Of course, rationally, we know that’s utter bull. Because behind every people-pleasing-yes-woman stews resentment, frustration, and fear. And ladies, we know that combo is a recipe for overeating.
What saying “yes” when we mean “no” looks like
– Overeating because you’re rush-rush-rushing meeting everyone else’s needs, but you’ve got zero time for your own basic needs.
– Overeating because your plans got hijacked (again) by someone else’s agenda.
– Overeating because you got bulldozed into doing something you deeply resent.
– Overeating because you deserve a treat, but your To Do list is that long and you haven’t left space in your day to reward yourself (because, somewhere, you said “yeah, sure” instead of “nope, not today”).
So what’s a busy but kind-hearted woman to do?
The quickest way to eliminate this type of overeating is a clean, clear and very firm “no”.
The great news is that learning to say “no” is a learned skill. Meaning, even if it’s been a while since you’ve practiced “no,” you can start owning your ”no”, right now, with a little guidance.
Here are Five Steps to Saying “No” With Style – it’s well worth the two minutes to read. Or Six Simple Tips to Owning Your “No”.
In a nutshell, living a life of saying “yes” when your soul is screaming “no” is exhausting. It’s a recipe for resentment and frustration…which breeds overeating.
My challenge to you dear reader – get familiar with saying “no.”
Then start a list. Where could you say “no” more? Where is your spirit calling you to say “no”? Where are you most afraid to say “no”?
What would change if you started to say “no” just as freely as you say “yes”?
Ultimately it’s about giving yourself some self-care so that you can be there for those you love and care about. Let’s face it, if you don’t have your health and happiness, what do you have to give?
Love etc, Avril
PS: If you need some help to own your “no” around food specifically or life in general, hypnotherapy can help. Why not drop me a line? I’m here to help. No really, I am.
