Archives 2011

There are frightening moments in any chica’s life.

In my experience there is nothing as intense as that instant when you get a glimpse of what is really possible.

FOR YOU.

Like a slap on the face, you realise how microscopically small you’ve been thinking.

With cut-glass clarity you see that you can play a much much bigger game. . . around your health, your relationships, your career…YOU.

It’s liberating. . . and scary as helicopter.

Questions bubble to the surface, “Can I really do this?”, “Can I let myself do that?” and, even better, “Oooh wow, imagine if I did?”

In other words…

“It’s time, honey. I’m ready to let go of these old limitations. Time to step up. Time to quit worrying about the opinions of others. Time for me to live my life in the hot bod I know deep down I deserve.”

This moment of discovery will leave you breathless.

It’s a game changer. It is wonderful.

It’s when we choose to go hard or go home.

As the last blog post for 2011, I invite you to take some time right now to re-ignite, re-inspire, and re-invigorate your dreams for yourself, your health and your life.

Here’s four tips to encourage you re-ignite your thinner sparkle so you can reeeally shine in 2012.

1. Watch Your Mind

Your thoughts are things. They can be powerful tools, or devastating weapons.

A mentor of mine often jokes with clients who claim they’ve no control of their thoughts. He says, “If you’re not the one in charge of your thoughts, let me know who is so I can have a chat with them”.

True or true?!

Those things in your head are your thoughts. Take responsibility for them.

Support yourself by listening to inspiring audiobooks on your iPod or in your car. Post affirmations on the fridge, in your wallet, on the pantry door….anywhere you’ll see them throughout the day. Start a gratitude journal.

Remind yourself…. what you focus on expands. So, place your attention on appreciation, joy and love. Or, whatever it is, of which you want more.

Be persistent. Get relentless. Negative thoughts are a luxury you can’t afford if you want to shine.

2. Make It Happen

Sometime ago, when I was trying to get confident enough to learn to sail, I chickened out three different times, visiting sailing clubs and leaving without actually sailing.

I was waiting for confidence to magically appear.

It never appeared.

But finally, with butterflies in my tummy, I hopped on board a boat and sailed anyway.

What I discovered was this…confidence shows up BECAUSE you take action. Not before.

What one action-step can you take toward your dream today?

3. What Are You Radiating?

Do you complain about how hard life is? Do whinge about how stuff you can’t control? Or sillier still, do you grumble about stuff you can control (instead of doing the thing Do you see yourself as someone who can’t create change so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Playing a bigger game means you radiate inner sparkle.

Stop posting on Twitter about how sh*t everything is. Quit dwelling on how bad things are and creating crappy drama in your life. Refrain from whinging to your friends about how hard it is to lose weight. (Save that stuff for your coach if you need to get it out of your system.)

Remember this… like attracts like. When you radiate inner sparkle, inner sparkle is drawn to you.

4. Stretch Your Comfort Zone. Every Day

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.”

This is one of my favourite expressions. Because it’s true.

I’ve worked with a bunch of wonderful women as a mentor and coach. The ones who send me emails about how their lives have changed are always the ones who are willing to stretch their comfort zones.

They try new things.

They allow themselves to get scared.

They say “yes” to new opportunities rather than staying on auto-pilot.

People who re-ignite their inner sparkle have one thing in common…. they learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

So, there you go gorgeous girl, your four tips for igniting your thinner sparkle for 2012.

Try ’em on for size.

As this is the final post for this year, I’d like to wish you all a bunch of play, joy and love over the celebration season.

And finally, I’d like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading every week and sharing your inspiring journeys. You guys totally rock.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and here’s to playing an even bigger game in 2012.

Love etc, Avril

One day you will get the phone call.

Not the “whoop whoop, you’ve won lotto” call.

The other one.

Uh-oh.

The one that takes the wind out of your sails.

Breathless, confused and up-side-down, you find yourself.

Your world lurches sideways and, in the time it takes to right itself, you have a moment of perspicacious clarity.

Today was that day.

Here’s what I saw:

Sometimes sh*tty stuff happens to really good people. It’s not your fault. Accept it.

You are bigger than your pain. Really, you are. Whether it’s heart-ripped-from-your-chest-cavity-emotional stuff or a bloody knee. A scab will form. Promise.

Cry.

Stop trying to figure it out. There’s nothing to figure out. In the figuring out you’ll just create more confusion. There is nothing to do or fix. Just be.

You’re perfect, whole and complete. Exactly as you are.

Breathe.

Don your for-special-occasions-only white shirt today. Ninety-nine per cent of stains come out in the wash. Sweat, blood and tears…dark chocolate, fake tan too.

Heal.

Decide already. Decide to play a bigger game. Not because it’s expected of you. Because every fibre of you, wants it, for you. You’re here to sparkle, sweetheart.

Set the intention of feeling peaceful. Even Especially when things don’t turn out as you’d have dreamed.

Make a point of being as encouraging as possible, to everyone possible. Be kind, especially to yourself. And most especially when you’re on a new path.

Focus on what you want. What you focus on expands. Always. Expand the good stuff.

Don’t look back. Sure, peep in the rear view mirror but mostly face forward. Your best self is waiting, patiently.

Smile.

If you feel like you’re always failing, know this: if you keep on keeping on, you’re a freakin’ rock star, in my book. In anybody’s book.

Do not…

count calories.

Do…

eat wreck less amounts of vegetables.

Dance.

When you’re fumbling for the right words, remember the only sentence you ever really need is, “thank you”. It’s a complete sentence. “I’m sorry” goes a long way too.

Spend at least 15 minutes in nature every day. If you’re accompanied by your woofer or your soul mate, so much the better.

Laugh.

The notion there’s only one perfect person for each of us is an illusion that imprisons us in pain. You decide who your soul mate is. You decide who your soul mate is. You (not fate) chooses. What a liberating thought. Imagine… you could choose anyone.

The path to peace is listening to that small, shaky voice within. It has all the As to your Qs. Learn to ask great Qs and listen.

Every day step up to the edge of your comfort zone. Imagine who’s (or what is) waiting there for you. Never stop learning.

Trust.

Get some sunshine every day. Give some as well.

Insulate yourself from sinkers. Nuff said.

Give it to charity. If you’re not using it today and you didn’t use it yesterday, you don’t need it. Someone else probably does.

Trust there’s a gift buried in the confusion. Did it really happen to you, or for you?

Go lightly, go bravely and go with love.

Because, yes, life is short…but it can be very, very wide.

So, what specific strategies do YOU lovelies use when the wind is taken out of your sails? What do you do to re-right yourself? Share, inspire, connect.

Love etc, Avril

When rodents discover that what they’re doing isn’t working, they do something else.

When we good folk discover what we’re doing isn’t working, we look for someone to blame.

Uh-huh.

That’s according to bestselling business author Spencer Johnson in his delightfully funny book Who Moved My Cheese?

It contains a bunch of wonderful insights into human nature, especially around managing change.

Today I’d like to pass on a tremendously useful insight, especially for those of us on the weight change journey.

Who’s got the smarts?

In a nutshell, when the rats have a regular supply of cheese in a specific area of their enclosure they promptly learn where the cheese is located.

Unsurprising so far, right?

Here’s where it gets interesting.

When the location of the cheese is changed, the rats initially return to where it used to be. Upon finding the cheese missing, they search elsewhere until they find it in the new location.

Pretty sensible, yes?

Not that I claim to be a mind reader of rodents but you can see the logic, can’t you?

“The cheese isn’t where it was yesterday, I’ll have a look-see somewhere else.”

You might be thinking, “Yeah whatever, we all do that, don’t we?”

Uh-uh.

Nope.

No, really, we don’t.

See on some level, rats have more smarts than us. The rats quickly realise that if what they’re currently doing isn’t working, do something else.

But not us people…

What do we people do when we can’t find our metaphorical-cheese?

I’m pleased you asked.

We re-visit the former cheese location, and remind ourselves, “Well, it was here yesterday.”

Again (and again) we return to Where The Cheese Once Was. We refuse to listen to the evidence: the cheese has been moved.

And, instead of seeking it elsewhere (a la rodents) we blame and butt-cover and finger-point.

“Who the heck moved my cheese…what gave THEM the right to move my cheese? It was MY cheese…!!!”

We faff about.

We deny, make drama and excuses instead of looking elsewhere for our brie.

And stay stuck.

True or true, ladies?!

When we return to the same spot expecting to find the cheese (which we learned yesterday was moved) is being a little, well….insane.

Doing the same thing, again and again, and expecting a different result is pretty silly behaviour, don’t you think?

We get cross and tell ourselves the “The brie’s gone for good”, “It’s not meant to be for me” or “It’s all too difficult”.

You’ve got to start looking elsewhere for your cheese, honey.

It might not be in the second place you look (or even the third), but you KNOW where it isn’t, so stop looking there!

I often hear clients say, “I’ve always been like that” or “That’s just not me”.

By saying those kinds of things they’re placing limits on ever becoming their happy weight.

They’re limiting their capacity for change. Lots of clients desire change, but not if it means THEY have to change.

For YOU to become your happy weight, YOU will need to make changes.

If you want to begin producing different results in any area of your life, you need to stretch your comfort zone, do something different and look elsewhere for your cheese.

Love etc, Avril

So… you’ve made the decision you’re going to shed some weight. Nice move.

Perhaps you’re fed-up with perpetually feeling exhausted because of the little bit extra you’re carrying or maybe you want to look hot in your Christmas photos.

Whatever your motivation, you’ve realised it’s time to change.

Good on you, chica.

As sure as eggs are eggs, here’s what’s going to happen. Now that you’ve made the commitment to change, lots and lots of challenges are going to cross your path.

One of the biggest challenges is ….

… F E A R.

Perhaps it’s the fear of not reaching your goal (again), fear of looking a bit silly, fear of letting yourself down, fear of getting hurt (emotionally or physically), the fear of being rejected…or any of the many garden-variety fears we have. The list is pretty much endless.

Honey, you simply must learn to handle your fears. It’s the number one skill that separates the successful (and happy) from those who struggle to make any real progress on their goals.

Most of us have been programmed in exactly the WRONG way to deal with fear. We find ourselves completely debilitated.

Unfortunately, most folk never break out of this misinformed, painful pattern. As a result the number on the scales doesn’t budge.

But….not you. Because, right now, you’re going to discover how to manage your fears, once and for all.

The very good news is that it’s a learnable skill, at any age, and irrespective of what you currently weigh.

But first, let me introduce you to your lizard brain. . .

The lizard brain is the part of your brain that controls the pre-historic fight, flight or freeze instinct. Its only concern is your survival. And it abhors change and achievement and risk.

The lizard was tremendously useful when we were cave dwellers. It triggered fear in us when sabre-tooth tigers were nearby. It saved our lives.

Having relocated from the savannah, physical threats on our person are rare. Mostly we’re dealing with imagined threats.

And here’s the important bit … the lizard brain can’t tell the difference between real physical and imagined threats. Read that again, it’s a crucial point.

ANY threat, risk or ‘something a bit different on the radar’ causes your lizard brain to release adrenalin. Cold sweats, shakes and “OMG quick, panic, freak out!!!!”

And back you dash to the safety of your comfort zone where your lizard brain rubs its hands in glee, because you’re safe.

It’s very good at its job. In fact It’s so clever we’re not even consciously aware of this protection mechanism.

Whenever we say one thing but do another, we’re in the grip of the lizard brain.

The voice that says…

“Just one more biscuit, it won’t make any difference anyway.”

“Phew. I’m really tired, I don’t have the energy to go for a walk.”

“I’m so busy, I don’t have time to prepare a healthy meal.”

…that’s the voice of the lizard brain. The way to remember it is that any resistance to you moving towards your goal is the lizard brain in action.

On many levels it’s very useful. You avoided the sabre-tooths, didn’t you.

The problem arises when you allow it to direct your entire life. Think about it. Would you let your three-year-old drive your car? Thought not.

So quit abdicating the responsibility for your life to your lizard brain: it doesn’t have the physical or mental capacity.

Next time you’re having a wobbly moment, and your lizard brain is nudging you back to your comfort zone, remind yourself of these facts:

– Fear will never go away. It’s hard-wired into us. So stop putting your life on hold waiting for the Day of No Fear. It’ll be a long wait.

– The more you try and avoid or escape fear, the more you’ll feel it. Yup, it’s a paradox we all share.

– We all feel fear. Everyone wonders if they’ll have what it takes. Even uber successful people get scared. True. They just don’t let it stop ‘em.

The lizard brain isn’t going away. It’s here to stay. Here’s how to quiet it down so you can get on with your life.

Make friends with your lizard brain

Now you’re aware of the mechanics of the lizard brain you’ve taken back a big chunk of control. Now you know there are options other than automatically dashing back to your comfort zone.

Go butterfly spotting

Next time the fear engulfs you … pause. Then notice the physical sensations in your body. Don’t resist the sensations or judge them. Just notice them.

See that you can experience the feeling of butterflies or shakes or cold sweat as purely physical sensations in your body WITHOUT THE MENTAL DRAMA. Nobody ever died of butterflies, shakes or a cold sweat.

By observing the physical sensations you’re teaching your lizard brain, that you’re OK. There’s no sabre-tooths near. You can handle this being out of your comfort zone stuff.

With awareness and practice you’ll soon link a great deal of pleasure with being out of your comfort zone, rather than seeing it as something to hide from. Promise.

Take action, anyway

It sounds clichéd as all heck, but action really is the antidote to fear.

It always amazes me how many clients say, “I’ll lose weight when I feel less nervous.” That’s exactly what your lizard brain wants you to do…wait and wait and wait.

And yet, think of those times when you’ve done the very thing of which you were afraid, and afterwards said to yourself, “That was easier than I thought ……I should’ve done it aaaages ago!!!!”

How often is the idea of doing scarier than the actual doing?

Nike was right… just do it…butterflies n all.

Use these three techniques singularly, or in combination to manage your lizard brain. With practice and patience your butterflies will be flying in formation and the number on the scales will soon be the one you want.

Fearless love etc, Avril

“I’m SO famished… I could eat a horse!!!” my friend exclaimed, washing the dirt from her hands.

We’d spent the morning gardening. It’d been a good while since breakfast.

Once upon a time I’d have agreed with her, on automatic, “Heck yeah, me too, FAMISHED…the horse AND the rider!!!”

Not now though.

Uh-uh.

Why not?

Because friends don’t let friends speak crappily.

Instead, I said “Yeah, I am a bit peckish. I could definitely nibble on a little something.”

You might be sitting there reading this thinking, “Geez, how pedaaantic can you get?”

And you’d be right. I am being pedantic, and for very, very good reason.

If you’ve got some extra weight to shift, you might want to listen up…it’s interesting stuff.

Here’s why…

We all have this thing in our tummy called an appestat. Basically it’s a chemical that tells us when we’re physically replete. It’s the ‘stop eating now’ signal, if you like.

So what’s our language got to do with this appestat thing?

I’m pleased you asked, darlin’.

The language and words we use directly affects when this appestat kicks in.

You see, our unconscious mind takes our words literally. Like a young child, it doesn’t grasp the concept of sarcasm or exaggeration. It simply absorbs, accepts and acts upon the literal meaning of the words you say.

It then searches for evidence of your instruction.

For example…

If you tell yourself, “I’m starving, I could eat a horse.”

How much of this statement does your unconscious mind believe is true?

Every single word.

It takes every word literally.

Exaggerated statements (like this one), encourage your unconscious mind to ignore the appestat and overeat, as if you really were in a famine.

How much of the statement is actually true?

Not much.

Could you really eat Black Beauty?

Probably not.

So…

…instead of “I’m starved … famished …ravenous” think about what other words you could use that are much less negatively descriptive.

Start to tone down your instructions to your unconscious mind.

“I could eat something now” or “I’m a tad peckish” are significantly better because they are neutral and give your unconscious mind a less intense message.

The less intense or less negatively descriptive the words you use, then the less intense your relationship with food.

Good to know, hey.

So, given that your unconscious mind is literal (and will search for evidence of what you ask), the question to keep in the forefront of your mind as you go through your day is:

What’s the message I am sending my unconscious mind?

As you can imagine, minding your language is imperative in every area of your life. We’re constantly creating our world (and how we feel) through our language.

Don’t believe me? Try it on for size. Listen to conversations already going on around you. You’ll notice patterns, I promise you.

When you ask your colleagues or friends, “how you doing?”, what’s their habitual response?

Compare and contrast…

“I’m soooooo stressed.”

“I’m absolutely shattered.”

“I’m really p*ssed off.”

With …

“I feel awesome, thanks for asking.”

“I’m all good.”

“Fan-tab-u-lous!!!”

Now that you know how the unconscious mind works, it’ll come as no surprise to you that people who talk about being stressed, absolutely shattered or p*ssed, are the same people who regularly feel stressed, absolutely shattered or p*ssed.

And vice versa.

Enjoy listening to other people’s language and you’ll discover where they hang out, emotionally-speaking.

Remember your unconscious mind is infinitely powerful and is eavesdropping on everything you say, whether aloud or in your head – and will always deliver you a match.

It’s not rocket science, sweetheart. You’ve just got to know how the mind works. And now you do.

So mind your language. Language your world as you want it to be.

Love etc, Avril