Archives May 2011

Hello ladies.

How’d you go with your homework from last week on Why Losing Weight Is An Absolute MUST For Me?

“What’s that? Your list of reasons is eight blocks long?”

Good on you, 10 outta 10 for Step 1.

Being aware of your reasons Why Weight Loss Is A Must is a vital step in your weight loss journey. The longer the list, the more leverage you have on yourself. And bay bee, leverage is a goooood thing.

Today we’re going to explore Step 2. It’s a deceptively simple step and one that is often overlooked by those who fail to lose weight.

Are you ready?

Here tis…Step 2.

Now what you need to do is the opposite of last week’s list. You need to write a list of Why Weight Loss Is Not What I Want.

Yup, you read that right.

You currently, even if you don’t know them consciously (yet), have a bunch of reasons for wanting to stay exactly as you are… ‘downsides’ to losing weight, if you will.

“Hang on Avril. With every fibre of my being I want to lose weight. It’s my one wish in the whole world. I don’t have annnnny reasons for NOT wanting to lose weight,” you insist.

Here’s the thing darling. If that was the case, you’d be your happy weight by now and you wouldn’t be sitting here reading this article on weight loss.

On some level you know it’s true. If you wanted, with every fibre of your being, to lose weight, you would have achieved the goal already. You would’ve found a way, by hook or by crook.

Which means there’s something blocking you.

I get that it sounds weird, but right now, there’s a part of you that is real keen on you staying exactly as you are. Sure this part wants change but NOT if it actually means changing anything!!!

It’s that part of you that wants to keep overeating and it’s that part of you that has no intention of ever sticking to an exercise plan, well not for more than five minutes anyway. It’s that part of you that sabotages your good intentions.

Every time.

“You what?”, I hear you chorus, “do I really have different ‘parts’ living inside me?”

Well…yes, you do.

It’s completely normal. You. Are. Not. A Freak.

It’s like there’s a part of you that wants weight loss and a part of you wants everything to stay the same. Forever. And ever.

It’s what’s known as an inner conflict.

You know that feeling. Indecision, self sabotage and on-and-off-again levels of motivation. It’s like there’s a tug-of-war going on inside your body.

No wonder you feel so exhausted.

In a nutshell, there’s a part of you that is motivated to lose weight. And there’s another part, often hidden in the recesses of your mind, that is super-motivated to keep overeating because it’s afraid it’ll lose something or have to give something up… as a result of you being your happy weight.

And it’s this exact thing that blocks you from achieving your weight loss goal.

Therefore it’s vital that you discover all the possible reasons your unconscious mind might have for thinking that there are Downsides To You Being Your Happy Weight.

If you don’t take the time to find out what these reasons might be, you’ll continue to self-sabotage and weight loss will remain tantalisingly out of your reach.

So Step 2 for you right now is answering the question:

The Downside To Me Being My Happy Weight Is…

Think for a moment. Look inside.

There’s no right or wrong here, just that little voice in your heart, that voice which is your truth.

I encourage you to be curious.

Give a voice to this part of you that keeps heading for the fridge or continues to eat long after your physical hunger has been satisfied. Listen kindly and see what it has to say.

And know this too. This overeating part of you, it has a positive intention. Even if right now you don’t know what that positive intention is. Trust that it has one.

So here goes….here are some examples as a starter for 10. Feel free to read these and allow them to trigger a list of your own.

The Downside To Me Being My Happy Weight Is…

When I’m angry, depressed, anxious, bored and lonely I head for the fridge. If I didn’t use food, what would I do instead?

Currently every time my boss talks down to me or takes me for granted, I head for the chocolate in the vending machine. If I didn’t turn to chocolate what would fill the gap?

Right now, I eat to calm my inner critic. If I didn’t eat, how would I keep the volume down?

Eating helps me make up for the deprivation I experienced as a child, and it helps me forget the past.

Perhaps you eat because your intimate relationships don’t satisfy some basic need like trust or security and you use food to fill that gap.

If your appetite kicks in when you’re faced with new challenges and you use food to avoid rising to the test, and on some level you feel that it protects you from the fear of failure, then, write that down.

Allow yourself to write down whatever comes up for you. There’s no need to analyse the list, simply allow yourself the gift of curious observation.

There’s no right or wrong around any of this, OK?

Today it’s simply about getting it down on paper. It’s about information gathering. It’s about listening to that voice which is full of positive intention that up until now has been sabotaging you. Once it’s out in the open, in your awareness, it can no longer ambush you.

By becoming consciously aware of the ways in which you currently use food, ways that you would have to give up in order to be your happy weight, then you’re setting yourself up for success.

Awareness creates choice. Go create yourself some choice by writing your own list. Notice as you compile the list that the tug-of-war is already lessening its power over you, simply through having awareness of what’s going on in the recesses of your mind.

Have fun.

Love etc, Avril

Many women who are in despair about carrying extra weight lament, “no matter what I do, I cannot lose weight”.

My question to these gorgeous ladies is always the same.

“Can’t or won’t”?

I sound like I’m being facetious. But it’s a well-intended question and comes from a place of love.

Here’s why I ask.

If you’re currently chunkier than you’d like to be and you tell yourself a similar story, you might want to seriously ponder the scenario below.

If I promised you that I would pay into your bank account one gazillion dollars if you lost the extra weight, I reckon you’d find a way to do it.

You would, wouldn’t you!

You’d find a way to make it happen.

Since you’re a smart woman so you can see why this is called the carrot approach.

Alternatively, if I took the opposite tack and told you that if you didn’t lose the extra weight, I’d sneak around to your home in the dead of night and kidnap everything and everyone that was near and dear to you, I reckon you’d also find the where-with-all to lose the weight.

Welcome to the stick approach.

Yes, I hear you. They are extreme examples. But they do prove the point rather well, don’t they.

You CAN lose weight.

We can all lose weight. It’s just that up until now, you haven’t discovered a compelling enough carrot or a stick scary enough to make it a MUST for you.

When your carrot or stick is MASSIVE, you will find a way to make weight loss happen.

We ALL have our hot buttons. It’s simply a matter of finding what they are. They are the key to your motivation. Think turbo-charged internal motivation switch.

When you get clear on Why Weight Loss Is A Must For Me in your own heart and mind, everything else falls elegantly into place. You’ll find a way around, over or under all of those trickster obstacles that you’ll come across on your weight loss journey.

If you’re unclear on your Big Fat Reason Why Weight Loss Is A Must For Me, you’re setting yourself up for failure. After the initial burst of energy, when you hit bump in the road you’ll collapse in a heap of excuses. Like all those other times.

I encourage you to pour yourself a glass of something yum, make yourself comfortable and ask yourself the following question:

“Why weight loss is an absolute MUST for me…..”

Make a list of all the reasons. Go crazy. It’s your list, no-one else needs to read it.

Because some of us are motivated to move towards pleasure (carrots) and some of us are more motivated to move away from pain (sticks n stones), you’ll have some reasons that are carrot-y and some that are stick-y.

Both kinds are great. Include ‘em all as the more you can write down the bigger your motivation will be. And that’s a good thing.

I dare you to come up with a list of 100 reasons.

On that bit of paper list every single reason that weight loss is important to you.

If you want to be there for your kids (or grandkids) or if you wish to really go for it big in life and you realise that your weight issues hold you back then write that down.

If you are fed up with yourself, and the kind of body that you’ve created for yourself and you can’t stand living like this anymore then write that down.

Dig deep.

Get it out on paper exactly why you want this, exactly why it’s important to you.

If you want to look great naked … write that down.

If you feel like you’ve let yourself down for long enough because you tell yourself that you’ll “do it someday”… then write that down.

Good on you.

I encourage you to share in the comments section your most important reason around why weight loss is a must for you which will encourage other women to dig deep as well.

The brave soul who submits the comment that touches me the most (read: the one that makes me cry), will a free coaching session with me which will fast forward your weight loss journey.

Dig deep.

Love etc, Avril

PS: Just so we’re absolutely clear…I don’t actually have a gazillion dollars (yet). Nor do I know where you live, so I encourage you to sleep well tonight, OK honey. But first of all, write your list of reasons Why Weight Loss Is Important To Me 🙂

Last week I ran the Rotorua Marathon.

It’d been a childhood dream to run my ‘local’.

Me.
1,400 others.
And our collective sense of hope.

Forty two point two kilometres were ahead of us, interspersed with three (potentially dream-shattering) hills.

I could see the finish line in my mind. Feel the butterflies in my tummy. I just had to get started.

The crowds were packed along the city streets. People carried signs that read, “42.2km because 42.3km would be crazy.”

I laughed.

At the first hill, I recall thinking how great I was feeling. You know that leap-a-tall-building-in-a-single-bound-kind of greatness. I was full of excitement, hope and optimism around my ability to finish the marathon with little difficulty.

Woo hoo.

About 22km my right knee began to twinge. I was so busy watching the crowds, studying the scenery and comparing notes with fellow runners that I didn’t give it much attention.

One foot. Then the other.

At 27km, the doubt, negativity and discomfort started to creep in. Who was I kidding? I didn’t have the stamina or the runner’s body to run 42.2kms.

Never mind that I had completed other marathons. I was talking about N.O.W.

Yes. . . I was wallowing in self-pity.

Then, I started the whole comparison trap. I thought about how easy previous marathons had felt, how my body had cooperated better, how the weather wasn’t as warm, in those other marathons. I thought about the race winners who were probably at the finish line refuelling and about to have a massage.

Next came the “I should have’s.” Stupid me should have trained more. I should have had done more stupid hills in training. I should have had more stupid carbs at last night. I should have not signed up for this stupid marathon.

Yup. . . ‘stupid’ is my word of frustration.

“Prodigiously stupid”.

To top it off, I’d lost sight of my balloon-wearing pacer dude so I was all alone.

And, if things couldn’t be any more challenging, I’d entered a part of the course where the crowds were smaller and spectator energy was waning. Think long stretches, industrial buildings and shopping malls.

So there I was.

Kilometre 33.

Welcome to THE WALL.

A.Whole.New.World.Of.Pain.

I was pouring sweat. I was nauseated from all the energy gels I’d necked in the first half. I’m sure I wasn’t looking so sparkly and I definitely wasn’t feeling it.

“I’m gonna throw up…”

“Uh oh … I’m gonna pass out …”

“Maaan … that pavement looks like it’s made out of memory foam.”

About now, all I wanted was the pain to be gone. It occurred to me how easy it would be to leave the course: find shady tree, some water and just hang out for a few hours.

Horizontally.

I even started preparing the excuses in my mind for my family and friends who were patiently waiting at the finish line.

I wanted to cry. I realised I was. Silent liquid ache.

This was that moment.

That moment where I had to decide whether to quit or continue.

At that time, I entered a part of the course where the crowds became more alive. There were drummers on the roadside, people cheering louder than ever.

Then, three specific things happened:

1. my right knee pain re-appeared.
2. I saw a woman running in a full body burn suit (she’d been involved in the Tamahere factory fire) which made #1 SUCH a non-issue.
3. My husband and-all-time-champion-of-the-world-supporter said to me, “you OWN this course, honey, you OWN IT”.

Something miraculous happened.

It was that moment.

That deeply happy moment when you turn the corner in your mind.

Suddenly, I knew I was going to finish the marathon. Not only did I know it, but I started to enjoy it again, because I wasn’t alone.

Sure the knee still ached but the fog was lifting.

My husband’s words, the crowd’s energy and support at kilometre 33 was exactly what I needed to keep me in the race and, ultimately, cross the finish line.

What does this have to do with you and weight loss?

Well, I see a lot of women when they have hit their wall.

They feel hopeless and powerless about their weight, and they doubt that they’ll ever be able to overcome their weight struggle.

Instead of a shade, tree and water, they want a sofa, some chips and some chocolate, because the race ahead seems SO much bigger than them.

But, I know better.

Not just because I’ve experienced the wall in a marathon, but I’ve also experienced the wall in my own weight struggle.

What I’ve realised is that there will always be a wall when you are going against the norm, when you are transforming in a big way and when you are refusing to settle for mediocrity.

But, a tough patch is a small price to pay for the feeling that you experience when you cross the finish line.

When you hit the wall best thing you can do for yourself is to find support. Seek out that crowd to cheer you on when you think you can’t take another step. Find a someone – that mentor or friend to hold you accountable to your desires. They will hold up signs and shout your potential, power and possibility.

And before you know it, you’re running again.

So, dear reader, sign up for something that is beyond your ability by a truly stupid margin. Get support, and allow yourself the gift of surprising yourself. You are infinity more resilient than you know.

– When was the last time you experienced hitting the wall?
– How did you gain the courage and support to keep moving forward?
– Or, if you’re in one right now, what can you do to make sure you keep on going?

Leave your comments below, and if you know of anyone who might be hitting their own wall, please forward this on.

(Sweaty) love etc, Avril