Archives June 2011

You can choose to sit and worry about the worst that could happen, or you can start making progress now, and choose to have faith that everything will work out.

You can cancel the plans you made while you were on that emotional high, or you can go through with your ambitious plans anyway.

You can choose to continue down the path everyone else follows, or you can choose to start living with intention, right now.

You can choose not to contact that person because you could be rejected, or you can reach out because you might be accepted.

You can choose scarcity or choose abundance.

You can choose fear or choose bravery.

You can choose to play their game, responding to negativity with more negativity, or you can turn their energy into a source of creativity and opportunity.

You can ignore your inner genius because it doesn’t fit within someone else’s worldview, or you can embrace who you were meant to be and give all you have to the world.

You can choose to blame others or to take responsibility.

The energy it takes to make either of these choices is the same.

You always have a choice.

Which choice will you make, right now?”

The words you’ve just read are from Corbett Barr. He’s an inspirational chap who provides encouragement and know-how for adventurous entrepreneurs. I encourage you to choose to check him out.

Share with us in the comments the different choices you’re going to make, starting now. Choose to be brave and true to your path, sparkly one ; )

And most of all…

…choose love, Avril

We Are What We Eat is a notion we’ve all heard before. It turns out… We are also What We Speak.

Who knew?!

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it. I mean c’mon. Words don’t have calories, do they?!

Well, no. They don’t actually contain calories.

That’d just be silly ; )

But – and this is pretty cool – they do have the capacity to shape our bodies. And our lives.

I’m going to share with you a little-known quirk of the unconscious mind which, although deceptively simple, will make an enormous difference in your world. Promise.

It’s important to understand this curious quirk or you’ll unwittingly use your words against your-good-self.

Now, that really would be silly.

You’ll set yourself up for failure. You’ll overeat. You’ll self-sabotage.

But by learning how to use your words with volition, you’ll be able to forego the drudgery of counting calories and become your happy weight easily and effortlessly.

How great would that be? Awesome.

“Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.” Pearl Strachan

The curious quirk I’m going to share with you today is…

…that the unconscious mind cannot process a negative.

I’m guessing you want that in plain English. Here tis.

What that means is that our mind struggles with being told ‘what not to do’. And yet that’s the way in which most of us instruct our minds.

“Don’t be silly….don’t eat that….don’t think about the biscuits in the pantry….”

Our mind much prefers when we tell it ‘what to do.’

Let’s play.

If I say to you, “Don’t think of a pink elephant”.

What happens is you automatically make a picture in your mind of a pink elephant and then think “oops, she said NOT a pink elephant.”

When you give your mind (or anybody else’s) an instruction in the negative it first needs to think of the thing you’re telling it ‘not to think of’, so it can then think ‘aha, so the opposite of that’.

The way to communicate with your unconscious mind (and remember that’s where all lasting change happens) is to always give clear instructions in the positive.

What that means is SAY IT AS YOU WANT IT.

The mantra of many women who are unhappy with their weight is, “I don’t want my fat butt” or “I don’t like my cellulite”.

Now that you know how the mind works, you know that what its hearing is, “I don’t want fat butt” or “I like my cellulite”. Or words to this negative effect.

These ladies would get significantly better results if they changed their language to “I’d like a bottom which looks great in jeans” or “I’d like smooth thighs”.

Now that you know this rule of the unconscious mind you can use it with volition. Use it with your children, husband and anyone in your life so you can get the results you want.

A-ha. I can see your mind ticking over from here, filled with possibilities…

That’s right. This is useful stuff!

Instead of “Don’t slam the door” you’ll increase your chance of getting the result you desire from Miss Eleven if instead you say “Close the door quietly”.

Say it how you want it.

“Drive safely” will get a different result to “Don’t speed”.

If you’re not getting the results you want from your children, your husband or yourself – start stating it as you want.

Use it with volition depending upon the outcome you’re after. e.g. there’s a world of difference between “Please contact me if you have any questions” and “Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions”.

Like I said. Use it will volition depending on the result you want : )

Have you ever wondered why people whose conversations are peppered with “No worries”, “No problem” and ‘Don’t stress” are often the ones with the most worries, problems and stress in their lives?

True or true?!

Wouldn’t you rather have “All good”, “Awesome”, “Delightful”.

I wouldn’t want you to have fun with it ; )

If you don’t learn to control your emotions you’ll NEVER learn to control your weight.

No messing around today, ladies.

I know what you’re thinking. “Whamo! No foreplay! She’s straight into it!”

With your permission, and a bit cheeky after that rough entry, I’d like to jump straight into it because it is absolutely VITAL that you get this.

May I?

Thank you : )

Have you ever found yourself beating a path to the fridge because of a feeling?

Sadness, anger, scared-ness?

Boredom, frustration, annoyance?

A show of hands please…so we can see we’re amongst friends.

Yup…all of us.

During your weight loss journey emotions will come up. Shed loads of them (that’s a technical term of measurement in Kiwiland).

Expect them.

On this journey you’ll be out of your comfort zone and that’ll trigger all sorts of fears and other garden-variety negative emotions that’ll feel UNCOMFORTABLE.

They’ll feel scary.

If you don’t learn how to deal with these emotions you’ll continue to beat a path to the fridge. You’ll continue to ignore that Do Not Disturb sign hanging on the door, and you will continue to overeat (and under-exercise).

Today I’m going to share with you three steps that will help you to deal with these emotions, so you can quit being the victim of them.

All strapped in? Let’s go…

Emotions And Us

Each and every one of us has a pattern of emotions. Although we have access to over 3,000 emotional states, most of us, out of habit, limit ourselves to just a few of them.

Play time….

Imagine your emotional spectrum as a piano. Wouldn’t you rather listen to a sonata in which the pianist uses the entire keyboard instead of limiting themselves to one or two octaves?

Or even duller…one or two notes?

Compare and contrast (the overplayed and uninspired) Chopsticks to the joy-invoking Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah.

Chalk and cheese, aren’t they?

(If you’re not into classical music…it’s OK…you can still see what I’m saying because you’re a clever chica).

And yet that’s exactly what most of us do.

We develop a pattern, the emotional equivalent of Chopsticks, which becomes our habit, and we wonder why we feel…..well…… uninspired, emotionally-speaking.

Here’s the thing…

Emotions Are A Choice

Most people believe that our emotions ‘just turn up’. The key distinction is to appreciate that emotions are not something that just happen by chance… instead emotions are things that we choose and they become habitual.

We DO fear.

We DO anger.

We DO stress.

We DO love.

When you hear someone say that you can choose an emotion, your first thought might be that it’s impossible.

Emotions just are, aren’t they? Emotions happen!

“Maaaaaaaaan, I woke up in a grouchy mood and I couldn’t shake it ALL day.”

It takes a high degree of awareness, attention and persistence, but you can choose differently.

How you make a different choice is something that comes with practice. But it IS possible.

I encourage you to be open to that.

Have you ever been sitting at home crying because of a sad movie on the telly? The tears streaming down your face when the chap you fancy calls on the phone. How quickly do you go from boo hoo-ing to bright n perky? Pretty darn quick I’m guessing!

That, dear reader, is what’s called an emotional state change.

Read on and you’ll discover how you can do this for yourself… phone call from boyfriend is optional : )

Here’s Why It’s Important To Learn To Control Your Emotional State

Last week you discovered the enormous power Your Story has on determining whether you are your happy weight (or not).

State and Story are like happy lovers. They go hand in hand.

For example, when you’re in a terrific emotional state, your story will be a positive one too. And vice versa.

If you’re in a negative emotional state – stressed, frustrated, annoyed – you’ll create a negative “I suck at weight loss, I can’t do this,” story.

Hand in hand, state and story, strolling together.

I’m NOT saying you’ll never feel a negative emotion again. It’s important to play the entire keyboard of emotions.

What I AM saying is you must become skilled at spotting an emotional state that doesn’t serve you, and be able to move – with volition – to a resourceful emotional state, which does serve you.

All progress on your weight loss journey comes from breaking patterns which keep you stuck.

Here’s how to change your emotional state immediately, in three simple (not to be confused with easy) steps.

Step 1: Change your focus

What you focus on impacts how you feel. It’s shed loads (there’s that term again) easier to feel motivated and inspired into action when you focus on the good stuff in your life. Be appreciative.

Many people focus on what they don’t have (yet), and wonder why they feel uninspired. We’ve ALL got something for which to be grateful.

Step 2: Change your physiology

What you do with your body impacts how you feel. Slip a smile on that gorgeous face of yours. Breathe deeply into your tummy. Put your shoulders back. Eyes forward. Dance. Sing. Skip. Laugh.

Doing any, or even better, all of these things when you’re in an unresourceful state changes your biochemistry.

Laughter really is the best medicine. When you’re chuckling it’s impossible to be angry, sad or depressed.

Step 3: Change the meaning

This is absolute gold. Listen up, ladies.

Someone wise (I forget exactly who) realised, “It’s not what happens to us that matters, it’s our opinion of what happens, that matters.”

Aye?

For example, when you hit a plateau there’s a massive difference between deciding the plateau means, “Geez I really suck, I can’t do this, I’ll never be my happy weight” and “Hmmm, OK, so a plateau, less than ideal, I wonder what action I need to take this week to get a different result?”

See ladies, it’s exactly same situation – a weight loss plateau. But the ‘meaning’ you put on the event impacts whether you feel inspired or uninspired.

So there you have it. Three steps to controlling your emotional state so you can go from fed-up, frustrated and heading for the fridge to chilled, calm and composed. Or whatever state works for you.

You choose.

It does take practice. Like anything worth having in life, mother nature WILL test you to see just how much you want this.

It’s all good.

Be persistent.

Now go forth and practice your emotional mastery scales each and every day and become the conductor of your own sonata.

By answering the questions below you’ll develop the emotional muscle to assist you in your weight loss journey.

– What empowering emotions do you most often feel?
– How do you hold your body when you do these emotions?
– What do you focus on when you do these emotions?
– What disempowering emotions do you feel most often?
– How do you hold your body when you do these emotions?
– What do you choose to focus on when you do these emotions?

Inspire us in the comments section below. Share with us what you’re going to focus to get yourself into a resourceful state for your weight loss journey.

Love etc, and happy state changing 🙂

Welcome chicas.

So you’ve set yourself a magnetic goal. You’ve got a bunch of leverage on yourself and you’ve sussed potential obstacles.

Yee Ha.

That’s a super start, superstar.

What if I told you with 100% certainty that there’s something going on in that gorgeous head of yours which has the capacity to completely scupper your goal?

You’d be interested, right?

Hmmm. I thought you might.

The magic ingredient … with the power to make or break your goal is…..wait for it….

Your W.E.I.G.H.T. L.O.S.S. S.T.O.R.Y.

“Que? What the….?”

Let me explain…

Your story is something you’ve told yourself a scqwillion times* about why your weight is, or is not, a certain way.

It’s OK, you’re not a freak. We all have a weight loss story that we lug around with us. It’s part of being human.

We learn our story as a child and, as we grow up, we collect evidence for the story being true. Presently we get to where we forget it was just an idea and now treat it as gospel, so much so that we stop questioning it.

Our story then acts as a filter. We literally filter out any evidence that contradicts our story. We gather supporting evidence for our story and delete any contrary evidence. And it goes on unquestioned.

Our story becomes self-fulfilling. Even if it’s a limiting, unhelpful and painful story…. we find a way to live it out. Every time.

As if it’s not bad enough already….we get addicted to the story. We drag it around with us as our escape clause for when the going gets tough.

We get to say, “It’s not my fault I can’t lose weight, it’s just that I have this problem <<insert story here>> which is why I’m heavier than I want to be.”

How satisfying is that?

You’re right….not at all satisfying. No one in the history of the world felt replete on their story.

The problem with our stories is they preclude weight loss. You either have your story OR you have weight loss.

Not both.

One or the other.

Story or the weight loss.

Got it?

Weight loss or the story.

Good.

We clutch with both hands onto the story because on some level we feel it offers protection. It does the exact opposite. It keeps us stuck with excuse-i-tis, unhappy and overweight.

And we forget that it’s just a story WE MADE UP as a kid and we can re-write the script at any time.

And it’s an easy process.

Good aye 🙂

WARNING: tough love ahead

Some of you, c’mon … you know who you are… are thinking of skipping this section to get to the action bit because you’ll think, “yeah yeah, I understand this intellectually”.

If that’s you, let me ask you a question. Since when did being intellectual help you to lose weight?

You MUST complete today’s step in order to create the foundation for your successful weight loss journey.

Step 1 Identify your current story

Before you can rid yourself of your limiting story (ies) you’ve got to identify it so you can replace it with a supportive one.

Good let’s go…

The easiest way to discover your current story is by answering this question.

“Losing weight is hard for me because… “

…and permission granted to let your pen go crazy chica. Capture ALL the reasons bubbling to the surface in an attempt to defend that question.

You know the drill…don’t judge them, just write ‘em down. The longer the list the better.

Very rarely are these stories true but if you continue to talk about them like they gospel then you, lovely one, continue to be part of the problem.

So cut it out : )

Once you have a loooong list proceed to the next step.

Step 2 Introduce doubt

All stories can be changed if you introduce doubt. The minute you begin to question something you no longer really believe it.

Santa Claus anyone?!

Sometimes our old stories are reeeediculous and yet we grasp them out of habit.

The easiest way to introduce doubt is by seeing people who are achieving the exact thing you want and who have the same challenges you do. If you’re a busy overweight mum, find other busy happy-weight mums. If you’re menopausal and overweight, start noticing other menopausal women who aren’t overweight.

Trust me – they’re out there. It’s just up until now, because of your old story, you deleted any evidence of them.

I had a client whose story was, “It doesn’t matter what I eat, I’ll never lose the weight”. Whenever she found herself next to a box of chocolates, guess what happened.

That’s right, she scoffed the lot because, “I might as well eat the whole box of choccies” (since it doesn’t matter what I eat, I’ll never lose weight).

Crappy story = crappy thinking = crappy action = crappy result = weight gain.

Do you see how starting out with a limiting story ultimately leads to a negative result?

She agreed that if I put a Do Not Disturb sign on the fridge and feed her starvation rations (not a method I prescribe – but a girl’s got a point to prove) that indeed, yes, she could lose weight.

It was about now that she realised that by telling herself her old story she was giving herself the excuse to eat whatever she wanted. Remember: we always find a way to live out our stories. Not matter how much they hurt us.

If a story does not serve you let it go.

How you were defined as a child is not how you have to define yourself as an adult.

You have a choice. After all, once upon a time we all believed it was the tooth fairy who put that 50 cents under our pillow. I’m sure you don’t believe that story anymore.

Step 3 Practice makes perfect

The longer you’ve told yourself these lies, the more well-worn your neural path will be.

If this feels challenging – persist. Practice really does make perfect.

Now that you’ve discovered your old limiting story, you’ve introduced doubt, and replaced it with an inspirational and supportive one – go forth and practice.

Be proud of your new bestselling story and notice how much more satisfying your results are.

Bon appetite : )

We welcome you sharing your crummy old stories in the comments below. It’s helps us realise we’re not the only ones with fruit salad in our heads. Share the new bestselling stories too – they inspire us!

Love etc, Avril

PS: It is absolutely NOT necessary to plough up your past to discover from where a misguided story originated. Many people spend hundreds of hours in therapy trying to suss this out. I am happy to go on record as saying that it is unnecessary to know the origin.

Course if you’re intensely curious, knock yourself out. But to move forward, you need to realise that you are now an adult and your story is completely up to you. So get your pen out and start writing your new romance…..

*Most of my numbers are factual. This one, I admit, was pure fiction.

If you read the title and thought to yourself, “dull dull dull… I already know about goals”.

STOP RIGHT NOW

SIT TIGHT

READ ON

Goal setting is one of the most underrated aspects of weight loss.

Here’s the thing.

You’re either at your happy weight or you’re not.

If you’re in the latter group, why wouldn’t you do yourself a favour and set yourself some sexy goals so in a year’s time you’re not back here, still at your unhappy weight?

True or true, ladies?

Without goals you drift and when you drift you’re not in control. If you’re not in control, someone else is.

I too used to think goal setting was ho hum, a bit dreary. That was until a mentor showed me where I was going wrong.

My mentor taught me how to speak the language of my unconscious mind. And that’s a good thing as it’s the unconscious mind which is at the helm of all achievement, accomplishment and fulfilment.

Your unconscious mind is like a goal-getting compass. That’s the 90% of your mind which most people aren’t aware of and yet is extraordinarily powerful when given clear instructions.

But most of us don’t know how to skipper our unconscious mind so we continue to drift, all the while getting more and more frustrated when the scales don’t budge.

So who here would like to know the tips to giving good goal instruction? Great….here we go….

– What do you want, specifically?

Exactly what do you want to achieve? Avoid nebulous thinking and get reeeeeal clear on what you want.

“I want to be fit, healthy and weigh 65kgs” is specific.

While “I want to lose some weight”, isn’t.

The unconscious mind hears “I want to lose some weight” and thinks that by losing 1kg the goal is achieved.

You want to ditch more than 1kg? Tell it exactly how much. Get clear. Get specific.

– What do you want?

State your goal how you want it to be, NOT how you don’t want it.

Many people who want to lose weight have a long list of what they don’t want and no picture of what they DO want. They set themselves up for failure because the unconscious mind cannot process a negative. Here’s what I mean…

If you say “I don’t want a big tush”, your mind hears, “I want a big tush”, because it doesn’t hear the ‘don’t’.

Your mind has to focus on what you don’t want, and then think, “OK, so the opposite of that’, in order to make sense of what you do want. So make it easy for your mind and tell it what you DO want.

“I want a lovely, peachy bottom”…or whatever floats your boat 🙂

Remember, what do you want?

– It already exists

Another quirk of the unconscious mind is that it doesn’t distinguish between the truth and a lie. It simply accepts whatever you tell it.

So state your goal as if it is already done. Use words like “I am” not, “I will be”.

Your logical conscious mind may have issues with this language. That is expected, don’t fight it, instead accept that your goals are achieved by your unconscious.

So write, “I now weigh ______” not “I want to weigh ______”.

– Ditch the lose, losing, lost

The words ‘lose’, ‘lost’ and ‘losing’ have negative connotations to the unconscious mind. Think about how terrible you feel when you ‘lose your wallet’ or you ‘lost your mobile’ or ‘I am losing my mind’.

The unconscious mind doesn’t like ‘losing’ anything, and ‘losing’ weight is no exception.

Far better to say I am at my goal weight of ________ rather than ‘I have lost 10kgs’.

Or use I have binned, ditched or shed ______ kgs.

– Get sparkly with your language

Use lots of sensory-based language when you describe your ideal situation.

What will you be seeing, hearing, telling yourself, smelling, touching, feeling when you have achieved your goal?

Doing this gets your emotions in on the game and paints a magnetic picture which will pull you forward and inspire you.

There’s a big difference between:

“It is July 10th and I weigh 65kgs”.

and…

“It is July 10th, I weigh 65kgs, my clothes feel lose, I look great in the mirror, and my friends are telling me “you look hot babe”. I feel proud of myself because of all the new habits and discipline and persistence I have developed along the way and I am enjoying loving who I have become.

Have fun with it. Use colourful, engaging, magnetising language. Give yourself goose bumps.

If you write your goal like a list of factual bullet points you will not engage your unconscious mind.

– Scribble it

The act of writing your goals down engraves them into your unconscious. It makes them a reality, something that you can see, touch and smell.

If you don’t write it down you’ll lessen your chances of achieving it.

It doesn’t matter how you write them down. You might choose to draw them, or cut out photos and paste them in a book.

However you do it, just DO it.

– une obsession magnifique

Your goal has to be attractive and meaningful to you.

Not your partner.

You must want this for you.

Being obsessive about your goals means that your goal is only ever a blink away, it’s in the back of your mind. This may sound a bit extreme but if a goal is worth achieving, then it is worth some obsession.

Before you make any decision in your day-to-day activities ask yourself , “Will what I am about to do move me closer or further from my goal?”

So there you go, ladies.

Now you know the theory.

Get out your trusty pen, sit down alone, uninterrupted for 15 minutes and use the guidelines above to help you set some goals for yourself.

Let me know how you go in the comments below. That’s the 8th step in goal setting – public accountability!

Love etc, Avril

PS: Do you accept yourself now?

When we focus on our health goals for the future, it can sometimes seem as though we are rejecting who we are in the present.

Take a few minutes to stand in front of your mirror today and send love and approval to your body.

And know this: acceptance doesn’t mean that you don’t want to change something. It simply means that you are willing to accept that where you are now, is where you are now.