Archives 2011

Last week I ran the Rotorua Marathon.

It’d been a childhood dream to run my ‘local’.

Me.
1,400 others.
And our collective sense of hope.

Forty two point two kilometres were ahead of us, interspersed with three (potentially dream-shattering) hills.

I could see the finish line in my mind. Feel the butterflies in my tummy. I just had to get started.

The crowds were packed along the city streets. People carried signs that read, “42.2km because 42.3km would be crazy.”

I laughed.

At the first hill, I recall thinking how great I was feeling. You know that leap-a-tall-building-in-a-single-bound-kind of greatness. I was full of excitement, hope and optimism around my ability to finish the marathon with little difficulty.

Woo hoo.

About 22km my right knee began to twinge. I was so busy watching the crowds, studying the scenery and comparing notes with fellow runners that I didn’t give it much attention.

One foot. Then the other.

At 27km, the doubt, negativity and discomfort started to creep in. Who was I kidding? I didn’t have the stamina or the runner’s body to run 42.2kms.

Never mind that I had completed other marathons. I was talking about N.O.W.

Yes. . . I was wallowing in self-pity.

Then, I started the whole comparison trap. I thought about how easy previous marathons had felt, how my body had cooperated better, how the weather wasn’t as warm, in those other marathons. I thought about the race winners who were probably at the finish line refuelling and about to have a massage.

Next came the “I should have’s.” Stupid me should have trained more. I should have had done more stupid hills in training. I should have had more stupid carbs at last night. I should have not signed up for this stupid marathon.

Yup. . . ‘stupid’ is my word of frustration.

“Prodigiously stupid”.

To top it off, I’d lost sight of my balloon-wearing pacer dude so I was all alone.

And, if things couldn’t be any more challenging, I’d entered a part of the course where the crowds were smaller and spectator energy was waning. Think long stretches, industrial buildings and shopping malls.

So there I was.

Kilometre 33.

Welcome to THE WALL.

A.Whole.New.World.Of.Pain.

I was pouring sweat. I was nauseated from all the energy gels I’d necked in the first half. I’m sure I wasn’t looking so sparkly and I definitely wasn’t feeling it.

“I’m gonna throw up…”

“Uh oh … I’m gonna pass out …”

“Maaan … that pavement looks like it’s made out of memory foam.”

About now, all I wanted was the pain to be gone. It occurred to me how easy it would be to leave the course: find shady tree, some water and just hang out for a few hours.

Horizontally.

I even started preparing the excuses in my mind for my family and friends who were patiently waiting at the finish line.

I wanted to cry. I realised I was. Silent liquid ache.

This was that moment.

That moment where I had to decide whether to quit or continue.

At that time, I entered a part of the course where the crowds became more alive. There were drummers on the roadside, people cheering louder than ever.

Then, three specific things happened:

1. my right knee pain re-appeared.
2. I saw a woman running in a full body burn suit (she’d been involved in the Tamahere factory fire) which made #1 SUCH a non-issue.
3. My husband and-all-time-champion-of-the-world-supporter said to me, “you OWN this course, honey, you OWN IT”.

Something miraculous happened.

It was that moment.

That deeply happy moment when you turn the corner in your mind.

Suddenly, I knew I was going to finish the marathon. Not only did I know it, but I started to enjoy it again, because I wasn’t alone.

Sure the knee still ached but the fog was lifting.

My husband’s words, the crowd’s energy and support at kilometre 33 was exactly what I needed to keep me in the race and, ultimately, cross the finish line.

What does this have to do with you and weight loss?

Well, I see a lot of women when they have hit their wall.

They feel hopeless and powerless about their weight, and they doubt that they’ll ever be able to overcome their weight struggle.

Instead of a shade, tree and water, they want a sofa, some chips and some chocolate, because the race ahead seems SO much bigger than them.

But, I know better.

Not just because I’ve experienced the wall in a marathon, but I’ve also experienced the wall in my own weight struggle.

What I’ve realised is that there will always be a wall when you are going against the norm, when you are transforming in a big way and when you are refusing to settle for mediocrity.

But, a tough patch is a small price to pay for the feeling that you experience when you cross the finish line.

When you hit the wall best thing you can do for yourself is to find support. Seek out that crowd to cheer you on when you think you can’t take another step. Find a someone – that mentor or friend to hold you accountable to your desires. They will hold up signs and shout your potential, power and possibility.

And before you know it, you’re running again.

So, dear reader, sign up for something that is beyond your ability by a truly stupid margin. Get support, and allow yourself the gift of surprising yourself. You are infinity more resilient than you know.

– When was the last time you experienced hitting the wall?
– How did you gain the courage and support to keep moving forward?
– Or, if you’re in one right now, what can you do to make sure you keep on going?

Leave your comments below, and if you know of anyone who might be hitting their own wall, please forward this on.

(Sweaty) love etc, Avril

“It’s OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.”

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend who felt ‘stuck’ and not sure what to do about it.

Her intention was to get start a new business venture, but it wasn’t happening for her… did I have any suggestions?

This is the tricky part with friends, too much information and you see their eyeballs roll back in their head.

Too little information and they feel cheated.

Emm…

What to do?

I like to stick with the basics. Regardless of whether you want to start a new business, lose weight or start going to the gym on a regular basis, there are some simple steps you need to take that will make all the difference.

Paraphrasing Og Mandino, “we’re all a slave to habits, might as well be a slave to good habits.”

To change your habits, you have to incorporate five critical elements to creating permanent and lasting change, or, like News Year’s Resolutions, you’ll quickly give up.

So, what are they?

1) Be passionate

“Yeeeah baby!”

When you want to create change, there must be oodles of emotion and desire to want to create the result.

Passion is pure potential. It’s powerful. It’s motivating. It’s magnetising. With it, a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g is possible.

Best possible scenario is that you’ll be operating from a position of “I want this with every fibre of my being”. You can reeeally feel the heat, energy and movement emanating from that statement.

If you’re operating from “should’s” “need to’s” and “have to’s”, you’re already at a great disadvantage.

Reeeally want it. Get passionate.

2. Baby steps

If your plan is to leap the chasm from Miss Sedentary to daily walks of 21kms before breakfast, it’s fair to say, you’re setting yourself up for some challenges. Lots of ’em.

Yes, well spotted, I know that specific example is obviously extreme. But that’s exactly what we humans do… we set our own bars way too high, way too quickly and we completely disregard from where it is that we are starting.

Which leads to overwhelm. Overwhelm leads to inaction. And, “hello”, we’re back where we started…nothing’s changed.

3. Unwrap inner conflicts

Inner conflicts can be considered a gift.

Really. I jest you not.

We all know that I Just Can’t Get Started Frustration. That inability to get started is often caused by having conflicting feelings about the thing you want to change.

We humans are hard-wired to abhor change. It scares us.

If you think that change will be “really hard because I’ve never done it before”, or your thoughts sway towards, “well it’s unlikely I’ll succeed”, then you will unconsciously work to prove yourself right.

Because that’s how beliefs work. They’re self-fulfilling little darlings.

What’s great about this particular roadblock is that you get the opportunity to unwrap the beliefs which are causing you to stall. When you know what your current beliefs are, you can replace them with other beliefs.

Ones that will help you.

Treat the inner conflict as a gift…unwrap it. Do NOT place it in the corner and ‘deal with it later’. Because it’ll loiter in your blind spot, just out of sight, causing all sorts self-sabotage.

4. Are you trying to deal with problems you don’t have yet?

Often immobility is caused by the ‘what if’ scenarios dancing in your mind. The start line is as good a place as any to deal with ’em.

One option is to address these pesky ‘what ifs’ by voicing them aloud. Put language around them. Very often the act of acknowledging the ‘what ifs’ (which is really just an adult word for fear) will cause them to evaporate.

If voicing the ‘what ifs’ fails to bring relief give yourself permission to Cross That Bridge if (not when) You Come To It. As in, quit trying to solve problems you don’t have yet.

Be aware of the scenario you prefer to not have, devise a game plan to address it, but do NOT focus on it.

5. Get up close and personal with your your pay off

Yup. You already know what I’m talking about.

If you have a habit that you really, really, really want to change or you do stuff that makes you cross and frustrated with yourself for doing it, and yet you still do it…then listen up.

Everything we do – even the stuff that hurts us – we do because on some level we get something out of it.

There’s a pay off.

A hefty pay off which, until we know what it is, will preclude us creating change.

Smoking, excessive drinking, overeating – whatever your thing is – you’re getting something out of it, dear reader.

If your goal is to walk around the block every morning but you fail to set the alarm, the payoff might be: 1) you get to spend that time doing something else, 2) you get to do what you’ve always done, or 3) you get to avoid confronting yourself and seeing what comes up when you do something new and uncomfortable.

Let me spell it out for you…

You get to hide.
You get to blame.
You get to make excuses.

You get to stay safe.
You get to stay in control.
You get to be certain.

I’ll leave it to the master wordsmith, Mark Twain:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

We always have a choice.

You can either embrace your fears ….. or … you need to get comfortable hanging out with its cousin … the pain of regret.

Hmmm. Clarifying stuff.

So…

If you can’t get started on something that you really want, ask yourself these questions:

– Exactly why do I want this? Make a list. A looong list.
– How will I feel when I’ve achieved this goal? Paint a vibrant picture. Really feel it.
– Can I imagine having achieved my goal right now? Can I ‘act as if’ I already have it?
– Does it feel right in my belly?
– Have I broken my plan into small enough steps?
– What thoughts in my head are holding me back?
– What thoughts do I need to replace them with? Make ’em serving, supporting, nurturing.
– What fears bubble to the surface when I think about taking the first step?
– What will it cost me emotionally / financially / mentally if I don’t take the first step now?

Now. Are you listening?

Take the tiniest, baby step.

That step might be so small that you don’t think it’s worth mentioning.

But it is.

And all those baby steps will add up.

“It’ll take forever with these tiny baby steps.”

Time will pass at the same rate, whether you take these steps or not. And if you do, you will inevitably get where you want to go.

Take one step today. N.O.W. Off you pop. One. Step. Today.

Good on you 🙂

Love etc, Avril

So you’ve arrived at the maintenance stage of your weight loss journey.

Good on you. Pause for your happy dance celebration and give yourself a pat on the back.

Now for the maintenance stage and embracing the newly-downsized you.

“OMG…what happens it all piles back on?”

It’s where the rubber hits the road, bay bee.

Life will always intervene. There will always be things (read: issues, events, stuff) clamouring for your attention. But if you really want to maintain the change, you have to remember the No. 1 rule – that you are in charge of you.

Here are 7 simple steps which will help you to remain confident, and in charge, of the changes you’ve already made.

1) Change what you keep in the house.

One of the most important ways you can conspire for your success is to change what you keep in the house.

If chocolate, lollies, junk food are your weakness … then DON’T buy them. If they’re not in the kitchen, you won’t eat ‘em.

When you visit the house of anyone who is their healthy happy weight you’ll find they’re very disciplined about what they keep in the house.

“But I my kids need biscuits.”

Yeah…right, honey.

Many people who are overweight buy junk food for their partner, children, grandchildren, and eat it all themselves. Non-smokers don’t keep cigarettes on the coffee table just in case the guests fancy a puff.

2) Donate your fat clothes to charity. All of them.

You no longer need them. Someone else does. Do it now. Today.

Do not hide them in the back of the wardrobe ‘just in case’. Consider the message received by your unconscious mind when you hoard your fat clothes.

It implies, loud and clear, that you secretly feel your weight loss is temporary and you don’t believe it will last.

3) Be a good girl scout. Be prepared.

We all know that when you’re out and about and the hunger kicks in, you’ll eat anything. Any old crap will do.

You must get into the routine of carrying simple portable healthy bits and pieces. Have fruit and nuts in your bag, your car, your office desk.

There’s not a mum in the history of the world who’d leave home without the baby bag containing food and drink for her lil poppet. It would be inconceivable not to do that.

And because it’s necessary it simply becomes part of the routine. Make it part of your routine to always have nourishing food on hand … or at least … in your handbag, glove box and office desk.

4) Learn to say no, graciously. And mean it with every fibre of your being.

You have to take your newly developed eating habits seriously.

“Oh they only had pizza so I had no choice to eat it.”

Yeah….right.

A vegan would never say, “I had to eat pork, it was all that was available, I didn’t want to hurt the host’s feelings”.

At other people’s homes, as long as you refuse food graciously and ask for something simple (like an omelette), nobody will mind. Your need to be healthy must be more important than your need to please someone else.

As a Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Sikh or Rastafarian you would refuse certain foods because of your religious beliefs. And your needs would be respected and accommodated.

If you feel uncomfortable refusing certain foods because you’re shedding weight simply say, “It doesn’t agree with me”. You will be telling the truth.

Always remind yourself of how important you are. Respect your needs and others will too.

5) Never underestimate the power of your peers

You’re pimples are long gone, so what’s peer pressure got to do with maintaining weight loss?

Peer pressure is alive and well. At any age. It’s been said that we become the average of the five people we hang out with the most.

Who are you hanging with? Do they elevate you or pull you down?

If your five favourite people are healthy, positive-minded individuals who believe in taking responsibility for their health, make time for themselves and make good stuff happen….rock on.

If you hang out with a puddle of pessimists who believe the world is out to get them and there is nothing worthwhile, you will start descending into the negative whirlpool at some point, even if you are initially a super positive individual.

Ensure that your peers’ standards are equal to or higher than yours.

Be picky. Reaaaal picky.

6) Ladies, this is your life. Right now.

Do you put your life on hold until after you’ve lost weight? Do you dream that when you’ve lost weight you’ll apply for that promotion, you’ll be more social, or you’ll finally learn to dance?

Well, this is your life.

There’s no dress rehearsal.

THIS IS IT.

People talk about life being short. It’s not that it’s short. It’s that many of us take so bl**dy long to start.

What else, besides weight loss, do you want to accomplish in your life?

Here’s why.

Once you have other goals to work towards and are doing those things today that you’ve been putting off until later, you will begin to have a healthier relationship with your weight.

Make your life fun and enjoyable.

Now.

Do not put it off until you have reached some imagined perfection on the scale.

7) Keep on keeping on. 80/20 rule.

If you stumble along the weight loss journey, do not quit. Tripping is a necessary part of learning.

Examine what caused you to stumble and devise strategies to prevent it from happening again. Adjust your thoughts, your beliefs, your choices and you’ll get a different result.

OK, so you went to a party and completely overdid it with the cake.

“Since I overdid the cake I may as well eat everything in the fridge now.”

Rubbish. It was that all or nothing thinking which led to you being overweight in the first place.

As long as you chose healthy options the majority of the time – not every time – you’ll maintain your new styling figure.

I find the 80/20 rule helpful. It states that 80% of your food should be wholesome and natural, and 20% should be purely for pleasure.

And as we all know, it’s not how many times you fall that matters. It’s how many times you pick yourself back up.

During this journey you’ve learned about the power of your thoughts, your language, your state, your story. I encourage you revisit the learnings, as many times as it takes, for it to be absolutely automatic pilot for you.

Keep your sense of humour. Laughter, especially the ability to laugh at your-good-self, is central to you remaining light on the scales.

And remember, you being able to maintain this ideal weight… it is a certainty. It is happening. It’s done. It’s not a question in your mind. It’s done. Now go forth and eat, exercise, live that belief.

I’ve just had a private consultation with a delightful lady.

In her own words, she’d had enough of feeling “dumpy, frumpy, and grumpy”.

She’d gained a bunch of weight during her pregnancy, and as much as she loved her little one, she was frustrated by her  post-bub wobbly bits.

I shared with her my thoughts around weight loss. I mentioned it was a positive step for her health and setting a good example. I also noted her use of the word ‘trying’.

Try is a deceptive little word. It’s a real trickster.

And here’s why…

When we use the word ‘try’, it can make us feel like we’re going some way towards achieving what it is that we are ‘trying’ to do, while neatly providing us with an excuse when we fail.

“Well… at least I tried.”

For example, at the moment I am learning to sail. I’m devouring sailing texts, downing rum while receiving expertise from salty sea dogs, taking lessons and so on.

I could say that “I’m trying to become a sailor.”

While this might make me feel as if I was on the way to achieving my goal, the message received by my unconscious mind is that – when push comes to shove – I’m actually not that serious about the goal.

While I will have my excuse already prepared.

“Heck….at least I tried.”

I can always tell if someone will turn up at a previously agreed time. If they say, “I’ll try to get round on Thursday afternoon.” I know it is very unlikely they’ll arrive.

When on Friday I ask them what happened there’ll be some good reason or other. They might say something like, “I tried to get there but well…this, that and the other….”

Their integrity is intact.

After all, they tried, didn’t they?

However if someone says, “I’ll be there on Thursday afternoon,” I fully expect them to come as they’ve made a commitment.

Anyways, back to my client.

To illustrate that you can either ‘do a thing’ or ‘not do a thing’ I dropped a pen on the floor and asked her to try and pick it up.

She reached down and picked it up.

I said, “No I wanted you to try” and tossed it on the floor again. “Now try and pick it up.”

She reached down and picked it up successfully again. We repeated it a few times until she understood that to try was not to succeed.

You can either pick it up, or not pick it up.

It’s a subtle but powerful distinction in life, and with those who lose weight and those who fail.

You can either try to lose weight or you can succeed at losing weight.

I am far more interested in whether my clients succeed at weight loss than whether they have tried.

Funnily enough, they are too.

Next time you find yourself using the word try, whether it’s speaking to your partner, your own child or indeed yourself, consider an alternative and see what happens.

Remember there is no such thing as try, you either do it or you don’t.

End of story.

Some alternatives to try

– Instead of “go and try it” use “go and think about it” or better, “go and do it”.
– Instead of “at least you tried” use “good on you, now you know one way to get it to not work.”
– Instead of “try not to run” use “don’t run”. Or better still. Or better still use “walk”.

But more of that next post.

So, who’s for a rum?

Bust a move ladies.

Love etc, Avril