Archives February 2012

You’re close. Tantalisingly close. You’ve nearly nailed what you set out to do. Whoop whoop.

Then …WHAM-O.

The doubts emerge. Nerves kick in.

“What if, um….?”

Your momentum decelerates. The excuses start to flow.

Now, you’re cross. Beyond cross.

You’ve been here before. And frankly, “you’ve had enough of this crap!”

The familiar ache sets in.

You question your ability, your stamina, your purpose. Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F.

That’s when you need to …

…Stop. Take a breath. Keep Calm.

Darling, there’s nothing wrong with you, your ability, your stamina, your purpose. Nothing. You’re good, OK?

All it is…is this. You, my friend, are in the sticky grasp of THE RESISTANCE.

I had my own tussle with le resistance this week. Maybe you can learn something from it.

There I was putting the final polish on the How To Conquer Your Cravings ebook, when my laptop made a whimpering sound, and died.

“Oh maaaaaaaaaan……this is sooooo not happening …..not THIS…..not NOW, oooooh craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!!”

Toys flew. A long way from the pram.

I got a wee bit cross.

Then it hit me. In the midst of my toy throwing I snorted with laughter as I realised … it was simply resistance.

Sure it was one of the less obvious forms, but it was the ‘R’ word, all the same.

The Usual Suspects

We’re all familiar with the usual forms of resistance: procrastination, denial and perfectionism, to name a few.

When you don’t do what you promised yourself, or when you keep yourself stuck with your “I’ll start on Monday-i-tis.”

When you don’t ask for help (even though you know you need it), when you grab yet another cuppa, or go mow the lawn, when you’ve a deadline looming.

Those are the usual suspects, the ‘obvious’ signs that resistance lurks nearby.

Un-usual suspects

Resistance is incredible at disguise. It has a wardrobe full of camouflage gear, enabling it to hide, just out of your sight.

A very common but less obvious way of resisting is illness. Sounds weird but think about it. It’s when you go and get sick on exam (or competition) day,  or when you get sick after you’ve decided to make a change in your life.

You get ill, you delay making the change. And in Stuck-ville you stay. Sure, you feel terrible (no-one likes to feel sick), but you’re safe n sound in your comfort zone, well aren’t you?

There’s a third, even-less-obvious kind of resistance…

Non-verbal Clues

Another way we show our resistance is with our non-verbal actions. When we overeat, we drink, we smoke….or we create gear failure at crucial moments.

That was the moment I snorted with laughter – gear failure. THAT WAS ME!

In the midst of the hissy fit at the dead computer, I realised on some level I’d created the scenario I was playing out.

Why would I do that?

Well, I wouldn’t. At least, not consciously. But remember it’s our unconscious which is running the show.

If the book was delayed and unpublished then I’d get to stay safe and un-judged, comfortable.

As soon as I realised it was simply resistance, everything changed. The fearful voices in my head, the doubts, the excuses – evaporated.

The toys are back in the pram.

The momentum’s returned.

Now, I’m not saying that every time you get ill or have gear failure, you’re resisting. Sometimes, gear failure is just that – gear failure.

But very often, if you dig beneath the surface of the situation, you’ll see resistance in action.

The resistance was simply doing what the resistance does….pulling out all the stops to  prevent me actually achieving what I’d set out to do. Thus keeping me safe and sound, in my (unpublished) comfort zone.

How do YOU resist?

Which brings me to you, dear reader. What are you resisting in your life which is keeping you stuck?

What’s it costing you? Emotionally? Physically? Financially?

Have you had enough? How much more would you need to take before you decided, ‘Enuff’s enuff?”

What is it you need to allow yourself to learn so you can move forward?

Allow your momentum to return.

Resist nothing.

(Unresisting) love etc, Avril

Are you in desperate need of inspiration? Need some butt-kicking to leverage yourself out the door for your daily exercise?

Honey, here it is…right here, right now.

Perhaps you’re sick of the nagging feeling of disappointment because today, like yesterday, you didn’t make the time to exercise.

“Heck, it was just too darn cold (hot / sunny / rainy) to exercise”, you claimed as you watched another episode of Something Crap on telly.

Maybe you couldn’t find your sports bra? Or was it the perennial, “Well, I’m just too knackered to exercise today”?

I know all the excuses, sweetheart. I’m human too : )

Whatever your excuse, isn’t it time to quit being an excuse junkie and start getting results?

You’re ready, aren’t you?

Here are my favourite one-liners. Read them and use them as the antidote to skipping your workout, whatever that is for you.

For me, it’s running. Maybe pounding the pavement isn’t your ‘thing’. I get that. Your thing might be walking, gardening, cross-fit, Zumba. Whatever it is….just get a thing, get out there and get your heart pumping.)

Some of these will be familiar, others not. Regardless, they WILL get you moving. And that’s the whole point.

NO MORE EXCUSES

The point of this post plea is to inspire you. To DO something right now. Do NOT read this and continue sitting where you are. Procrastinating….

…INSTEAD TAKE ACTION.

NOW!!!

Inspired love etc, Avril

PS: If you’re STILL sitting there searching for inspiration…..here’s a love note especially for you. A tough love note, really.

Darlin’, quit complaining about how tired or busy you are. You’ve simply GOT to move your body every day if you want to feel fabulous and lose weight. Your body was designed to move.

We ALL face obstacles…”too much to do, too little time”….It’s how you deal with these obstacles defines how happy you are and the shape your body is in.

Did you catch that?

Let me say it again.

We ALL face hurdles. How you deal with these trip hazards defines who you are, how you feel, and the shape you’re body’s in.

Period.

End of love note.

Go on, bust-a-move chicas!

With love, Avril

There’s a bunch of people out there who knock affirmations and claim, “they just don’t work”. Maybe you’re one of ‘em.

Once upon a time, I used to be real cynical of affirmations too.

Course, affirmations DO work. Because anything you say (or think) on a consistent basis will become your truth.

For example, the person who goes through life saying, “Nah, it’s impossible for me to lose weight” will find plenty of evidence to support their affirmation.

They’ll get to prove themselves right and remain overweight.

And, conversely, if you play the opposite record, you’ll prove yourself right too.

Anything you tell yourself on a consistent basis, especially with emotional intensity (think visualisation), will create change.

The truth is, we’re ALWAYS making affirmations in our unconscious mind.

If you’re not happy with your current weight it’s very likely your affirmations are negative, as in, you’re visualising yourself overweight.

So the affirmations are working – you’re simply giving your unconscious mind correct instructions for weight gain, not weight loss.

My favourite weight loss affirmation

I like to keep things simple.

My favourite affirmation for weight loss (and life in general), is especially simple.

One word: “enough”.

E. N. O. U. G. H.

Or, for those of you who like the long version: “I am enough”.

Saying it before you eat is particularly powerful as it curbs your appetite and lessens your desire to overeat.

Say it at the end of the meal as well to confirm that you don’t need anymore, because “you are enough.”

Say it in your head when you are with company but say it out loud when you are alone whenever you can.

You Are Enough, darling.

You’re probably wondering how such an affirmation can really work, since when you tell yourself, “I’m enough” and you come up with a list of objections:

“I’m not really enough…see, I have pebble-dashed thighs, a wobbly tummy and I can’t wear a bikini.”

It’s about now, you’ll remember from a previous post that it’s YOU who’s coming up with the objections and it’s YOU who has the power to silence them.

You’ve already learned how you can talk back to your inner critic. You might wish to counter the well-intentioned objections like this:

“Roger that, yes, I do have cellulite, and I am still enough and I will wear a bikini even sooner because I accept that I am enough.”

Trouble Shooting The Lizard Brain

It is natural to come up with objections to the “I am enough” affirmations. That is simply the lizard brain (voice of fear) trying to discourage you, so you go back to the safety of your comfort zone, where you were overweight and unhappy, but safe.

What you need to do is look at the objections and shoot them down with something better.

If you’re determined and keep on with the affirmations eventually you will run out of objections. Your reptile brain will have realised it’s not so scary after all. The sabre-tooth tiger hasn’t got you and your comfort zone will have expanded.

Simply shoot down your objections so often and with such conviction it becomes your truth. Rinse and repeat.

And with that, your mind is agreeing with you and you are finally making real progress. Repeat as often as required.

YOU ARE ENOUGH, sweetheart.

More-than-enough love etc, Avril

Did you know that on average we think around 60,000 thoughts per day?

And, that most of these thoughts, are in the form of questions that we’re asking ourselves.

It’s like we’re having this perpetual conversation in our head.

If you’re sitting there thinking, “What? What questions? I don’t ask myself questions….do I?”

Which proves the point perfectly. Sixty-thousand thoughts per day. Round and around. Like a record player….

The slightly scary thing is most of us aren’t even aware of this conversation (or the topic being discussed) because it’s happening at an unconscious level.

So, how does this relate to weight loss?”

That’s a good question, I’m pleased you asked.

Here’s the thing.

It’s vital to know what questions you’re asking yourself because the shape of your body is directly influenced by these questions.

If you’re unhappy with your weight, there’s a very good chance that you’re asking the types of questions that preclude weight loss. In order to lose weight you need to change your questions.

Here’s why.

One of jobs of the unconscious mind is to seek answers to your questions. Whatever question you ask, it will return an answer. It’s unconcerned with the truth of the answer – it just wants to respond to the question.

Many of the women I work with are stuck, unable to lose weight because they ask themselves low quality questions.

Basically there are two types of questions. There are the high-quality solution-oriented questions and there are the low-quality negatively-oriented questions.

It’s logical when you think about it. If you ask a high quality question, you’re more likely to get a high quality answer. And vice versa.

An example will make it all clear. Compare and contrast the following two questions.

Low quality

Imagine you’re standing on the scales. For the third consecutive week the number has remained the same and you despair to yourself…

“Why o why can’t I lose weight?”

Immediately, your unconscious mind, ever ready to serve comes up with a raft of reasons why you can’t do what you perceive needs to be done.

“Because you’re a lazy bones…because you’re crap…because you don’t have the will power…because you’re a greedy guts…because, because, because…”

See what happens when you ask a low quality question?

You get a negatively-oriented response mostly centre-ing on the idea of how you’re somehow not quite good enough.

(None of this is actually true it’s just a crappy answer to a crappy question, that’s all.)

So now you feel depressed, de-motivated, and frustrated. And comfort eating and overeating is likely to occur, so you can momentarily feel better.

Here’s the alternative.

High Quality

Imagine standing on the scales, third week in a row, needle hasn’t budged. Same scenario.

This time, ask a different question. A better quality question.

“How can I most easily lose weight and make it fun?”

This question is a million times better than the last scenario because is assumes three things:

– that it can work
– there’s a bunch of options that could work
– it can be fun.

Et violà, by asking a high quality question, the idea of losing weight is do-able. You feel more proactive, positive and will have the patience to take steps towards your goal.

What Not To Ask

I always remind clients of this truth, “there’s no such thing as a silly question”.

On the whole, I’d agree.

However, there are some questions are best avoided. As a general rule I’d suggest ditching any questions beginning with ‘why’. ‘Why’ questions tend to focus on the past and usually lead to you feeling down or defensive.

For example, “why did that happen to me?” can only really be answered negatively, if at all. You can spend a lifetime in therapy analysing ‘why’ something happened (or didn’t) and move no closer to an answer or a happy solution.

What To Ask

So, instead of ‘why’ questions, focus on ‘how’ or ‘what’ questions. As in, “what’s one thing I can do right now to change this?” or “how can I do this?”

Whenever you’re stuck (or the scales are) ask yourself the following possibility questions:

– How do I need to look at this so that it’s do-able?
– What is the most elegant way I can solve this now?
– How can I most easily stop doing this?
– What’s the one thing I can do right now to get me closer to my goal?
– How many different ways of solving this can I come up with now?

See how these how and what questions point your mind in a very different direction. As a result you’ll be directing your unconscious mind to sort for information that will put you in a better emotional state.

And bonus information… if you’re not happy with the answer you’re getting, ask a different question. Your unconscious mind will keep searching for you until a useful answer has been found.

So there you go. Make your 60,000 thoughts a day great ones, and ensure you’re setting yourself up for weight loss success by asking quality questions.

Love etc, Avril