Archives June 2012

Sounds strange – very strange indeed – but it is true.

Negative thinking can make you fat.

Here’s how.

When you think negative thoughts, you influence the biochemistry of your body.

By thinking negatively, you flood your body with adrenaline and cortisol. These stress hormones cause your body to go into survival mode and store extra weight.

While I’m not saying negative thinking actually contains calories, it’s clear that what happens in your head directly influences your body.

Many of my weight loss clients desperately want to be thinner and feel more confident.

Ironically, the way they think causes them to maintain the exact feelings and body shape they want to escape.

For example, clients who want to increase their confidence often have very negative thoughts rattling around in their heads.

“Oh heck, another day to get through….”

“There’s no good man out there, I’ll always be single…”

And, when life starts to look brighter, they ask themselves, “It’s too good to be true – when’s it going to go wrong?”

Surprise, surprise….before long, they find themselves back where they started – except just a little less confident than before.

Now, listen up.

I’m not suggesting you must be in a state of “life is wonderful” every second of the day to lose weight.

What I am suggesting is breaking the habit of automatically seeing things worse than they are.

Here’s three of the most common types of negative thinking.

Generalising

If something negative happens once, you automatically expect it’ll happen again. And, again.

“I can never stop eating junk. I’ll always be overweight.”

The giveaway that you’re generalising is look out for the words ‘always’ and ‘never’.

All or Nothing

You’re an All or Nothing Thinker if everything’s black and white, there’s no grey.

It’s a failure strategy for weight loss (and, tremendously limiting if you want to create any change) since you’re viewing the world in extreme terms.

“If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.”

“Since I ate a slice of cake this morning I’ve screwed up, I may as well continue eating junk all day / week / month…”

Nobody ever lost weight by doing it perfectly. Instead, focus on tiddler steps and incremental change, every day.

Personalising

You’re a personaliser if you take responsibility for something that’s not your fault. You think that what people say or do is some kind of reaction to you.

“My boss is in a terrible mood, if must be something I did. What’d I do???”

Let’s face it, your boss might be in a terrible mood for any number of reasons. And get this….it may well be that none of these reasons relate – even remotely – to your good self! Who knows what’s going on for them? Let’s stop making everything about us, eh!

How to deal with negative thoughts

Now that you’ve learned how negative thoughts show up for you, here’s how to dramatically change them so that you can start positively influencing your biochemistry.

You already know about rubber banding and proper breathing.

Today’s tip is a bit different.

Instead of putting your energy into avoiding negative thinking (which can be really difficult), what you do is add a positive spin to the negative.

It works like this.

Next time you hear yourself saying or thinking something negative that leads to you feeling sad, hopeless or unhappy, simply add a positive statement.

“I had cake this morning so I may as well eat junk all day,”

becomes

“I had cake this morning…that’s in the past and right now I’ve decided to nourish my body with a healthy snack.”

“If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all,”

becomes

“If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all…but perfection hasn’t worked for me in the past, so right now I’m aiming for approximately perfect.”

This is deceptively simple.

It’s very powerful.

It’s very, very effective.

Can you see how instead of stopping negative thinking (which is darn near impossible), you’re adding a positive thought?

When you do this repeatedly, you’ll notice your mind will begin to streamline the process.

You’ll get to a stage when – as soon you have a negative thought – you’ll automatically fast forward to the positive thought, to complete your sentence.

Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear your methods for staying positive especially when it feels like the sky is falling on your head. What works, what doesn’t, what would you like to share?

Love etc, Avril

PS: Thank you to all of you who have sent good luck emails re the move. I appreciate it! Next week’s post will be the first from our new digs by the sea : )

I’m drowning in a sea of brown boxes, gaffer tape and bubble wrap. You guessed it. We’re moving house.

Studies like to suggest that moving house rates up there as one of life’s more stressful events.

Not that we need a study to confirm what’s high or low stress, right? If we listen, our tummies tell us everything we need to know.

Even though the house move is going well I’ve noticed that as settlement date approaches, the more urgent and frequent my need is to eat……everything + anything.

Hello, emotional eating!!!

A question for you, dear reader.

What do YOU do when your stress levels are elevated and all you want to do is eat?

Here’s what I did.

I breathed….deeply and consciously.

“How,” you ask, “can something so simple make a difference to anything?”

Here’s how.

Low tech

I understand that breathing as a way to combat emotional eating can feel a little bit ‘low tech’.

I get that.

The good news is that it works.

That’s because nothing communicates to every cell of your body that you’re safe, more eloquently than your breath.

Nothing.

When you shallow breathe (think about when you’re stressed, anxious or nervous), you’re actually sending a message to your body: danger!!!

OK, not sabre-tooth tiger physical danger a la caveman days.

In today’s world of speed, rush, hurry up – presentations to make, kids to collect from school, fragile items to pack and move – there’s a lot of psychological stress.

And get this.

Your body doesn’t distinguish between the types of stress.

That’s right. It responds in exactly the same way to all types of stress. It floods your body with hormones – adrenaline and cortisol.

And, here’s the thing. An elevation of either of these hormones in your body causes emotional eating.

Interesting, isn’t it?

So yes – breathing – is a bit low tech.

But, given we breathe up to 30,000 times per day, can you see the enormous potential to influence your body – positively or negatively?

Do you breathe correctly?

Most of us are so busy holding our stomachs in (so they look flat and firm) that we don’t breathe from the correct place.

The easiest way to determine if you breathe correctly (or not) is to stand in front of a mirror and take a deep breath.

Go on, do it now. I’ll wait here.

If your stomach was the only thing that moved, then you’re one of the rare individuals to retain correct breathing past childhood.

If your shoulders and chest moved upwards, you need to learn to breathe from your diaphragm.

Here’s how.

3 steps to breathing correctly

1. Put your hand on your tummy and, as you breathe in, make your tummy push your hand out. Notice your chest and shoulders stay still.

2. Count to three as you inhale, and three again as you exhale.

3. Repeat 10 times.

Notice how you can actually feel a physical relaxation response. Calm. Serene. In control.

Of course, it’s unnatural to maintain a state of perpetual serenity every second of the day. No one can. If you’re human, you’ll slip up, succumb to stress and overeat again.

That’s part of the process. Simply rinse and repeat to get back to your calm space.

Bonus material

The more you practice conscious breathing the more you’ll build your neurological capacity for peace, calm and control. Just like a weight lifter builds muscle by repeatedly lifting the same weight.

You might want consider making appointments with yourself to breathe. For example, you could start the day by consciously breathing before you get out of bed.

Or, you could link conscious breathing with specific daily activities. For example, showering, waiting for the kettle to boil, and sitting at a red traffic light. Soon it’ll be a daily ritual.

So, next time you find yourself succumbing to emotional or you feel stressed, anxious or tense, take time-out for 10 conscious breaths.

Feel free to tense up again after your 10th. But you probably won’t.

Serene love etc, Avril

According to a recent survey by Timex, most women fib about what they eat.

Apparently we tell porkpies to ourselves – and other people – nine times on average per day.

Read that again, it’s important…. nine times per day we fib about what we eat.

Wow.

That’s a lot of fibs, tall stories and porky pies.

According to the survey, the foods most likely to prompt a tall story were chocolate, biscuits, cake, wine, cheese, and bread.

Let’s get something clear.

Pretending you had only one glass of red last night, when in reality you had one glass + three “little top ups” – is not big, not clever.

Same goes for ice cream. One bowl of ice cream + standing next to the freezer, spoon in hand for 15 minutes, does not equal ‘one bowl’.

It’s pure delusion. Bit like sucking in your tummy when you step on the scale (go on admit it, you do, don’t you!)

Fibbing, delusion, denial are very effective FAILURE strategies for weight loss.

I’m not for a second saying there’s anything wrong with drinking more than one glass of your favourite pinot.

Nor is there anything intrinsically wrong with enjoying more than one bowl of ice cream – just be honest, is all.

But remember this always: your body keeps an accurate measure regardless of what you admit to in your food log.

The most common fibs

Here are the most common fibs from the survey. Which ones do you tell yourself? Maybe you’re fluent with all of them, or, perhaps you have one of these on high repetition?

Either way, you need to become aware of the fibs you tell yourself, before you’ll ever become your happy weight.

Here they are:

“It was only a small portion.”

“I only treat myself once in a while.”

“I always eat my fruits and vegetables.”

“I didn’t have any of the biscuits.”

“I had only one glass.”

“I didn’t eat the last one.”

“I won’t eat again today after this.”

“I might as well polish them off now or they’ll go to waste.”

How to quit fibbing to yourself

If you’re fluent in any (or all) or the above – celebrate.

Sounds strange, but at least now you’re aware of your fibbing pattern, so you can change it. (You can’t change something that you’re unaware of).

Here’s a super effective cure for quitting fibbing (or any habit you no longer want: swearing, obsessing over negative thoughts, nose picking….ANY habit).

Step 1. Find yourself a rubber band and wear it loosely around your wrist (not so tight it cuts your circulation). Every time you notice yourself fib, flick yourself with the band.

It’ll sting. That’s a good thing. Do this persistently and over time you’ll neurologically link pain to fibbing, so you’ll stop it.

Step 2 is around error correction. It’s about replacing the fib with the truth. It’s about being accurate and honest.

For example, if you’re tempted to write in your food log three biscuits, when in reality, you had three biscuits + all the broken pieces and crumbs at the bottom of the packet + the remains of five biscuits your children left on their plates – then, say that.

In a nutshell, whenever you notice yourself formulating a fib: flick the rubber band, and replace the fib with accuracy and honesty.

So let us know how you get on. I’d love to hear specifically:

What do you fib about when it comes to food? How did you stop fibbing? Do you have lessons learned that can help us all?

Remember to share your insight and stories from a place of love and compassion. Nobody’s perfect and we’re all on this journey together.

As always, thank you for reading and sharing.

Honest love etc, Avril

Do you have a friend who’s as skinny as a rake and she eats whatever she wants?

Yet you need only glance at the confectionery aisle for the pounds to pile on?

Confusing, isn’t it?!

Well, dear reader, that exact situation featured recently on the BBC show The Truth About Food.

It featured best friends Jo and Becky. They shared similar eating and exercise habits, and were of similar age.

However, Jo was 10kgs heavier than her happy weight, while Becky was 10kgs lighter than hers.

The friends were desperate to learn the cause of the weight disparity, since Jo, “hardly eats anything”, and Becky “eats whatever she wants – chocolate, crisps and biscuits – and, doesn’t put on an ounce.”

Hmmm…

What does account for the weight difference?

As part of the experiment, the women drink something called doubly-labelled water.

It’s very clever stuff.

Long story short, it allows the researchers to spy on the girls and track every single calorie they eat – by testing their pee.

It meant that no matter what the women said they were eating, the clever double-labelled water revealed the truth – what was really passing their lips.

It’s in the water…

The tests revealed that Jo – remember, she’s the one who “hardly eats anything” and is 10kgs overweight – was eating 50% more per day than her slimmer friend.

Her face said it all.

You could have pushed her over with a feather, such was her conviction that she ate less than her friend.

Just so we’re clear here.

Jo wasn’t intentionally telling porkpies in her food diary.

She’d simply gotten caught in the tremendously insidious trap of D.E.N.I.A.L.

What is denial?

The dictionary defines it:

‘a defence mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.’

We all use denial from time to time.

It can be lifesaving.

For example, if your reality is grim, and the only way to survive is by blocking it out (say, you’re a prisoner of war), then denial’s a good thing.

For weight loss though – denial’s terrible.

It’s probably the no. # 1 reason for failure of people who claim they want to lose weight, but don’t.

If you’re in denial, you’re fibbing to yourself. You’re hiding the truth.

Harsh, I know.

But I’d be doing you a disservice if I sugar-coated.

When you fib to yourself about what you eat you’re being an ostrich. You can bury your head in the sand all day long, but you cannot hide from the truth.

The liberating truth is this: if you’re overweight, then you’re eating more than your body is using.

End of story.

I’ll admit it can feel real scary to ditch the shield of denial… especially if you’ve been sheltering behind it for years.

But until you ‘fess up’ to yourself about your eating, and get real and honest, you’re not going to lose the weight.

Tips for ditching the denial so you can ditch the weight

In general I’m not a calorie counter or food logger. I’m more a listen to your tummy kinda gal.

However, it can be pretty darn illuminating to track everything you eat for a week. If you’re real serious about losing weight, go for a month.

If you’re 100% honest, you’ll see that there is a direct and clear correlation between your weight and your incoming calories.

It’s simple maths.

Clearly you’ve got to be scrupulously honest and record every bite – NOT just the “good” days.

And, ladies….

…a glass of wine is NOT the entire bottle.

…food from your children’s plates DO contain calories.

…a biscuit is ONE biscuit, not the whole packet.

You get the idea.

I know I’m banging on about this…it’s because I personally know how cunning our minds can be in keeping stuff from ourselves!

And, it’s only through taking an honest look at what you eat that you can see what needs to change.

So dear readers, are you ready to get honest with yourself and what you eat? Or do I need to pay you a visit with my double-labelled water and pull your head out of the sand?!

Un-deniable love etc, Avril