Archives May 2016

A major stumbling block for women, especially women looking to lose weight, is the inability to say “no” without feeling very, very guilty.

For many of us, saying “no” triggers our deepest fears.

“Uh-oh, I’m unkind/not-good-enough/not-loving-enough (…fill in the blank…) and other people will see I’m unkind/not-good-enough/not-loving-enough.”

Many clients I work with overeat because they can’t say “no.”

And I’m not talking about food here. Well, not specifically.

I’m talking about all those times during the day where you nod “yes” instead of politely declining.

If you aren’t ‘owning your “no”‘, you’re probably gaining weight

Many of us women are conditioned from birth to believe it’s feminine, and somehow attractive, to put other people’s needs first. And, if we don’t, then we’re “selfish”.

Of course, rationally, we know that’s utter bull. Because behind every people-pleasing-yes-woman stews resentment, frustration, and fear. And ladies, we know that combo is a recipe for overeating.

What saying “yes” when we mean “no” looks like

– Overeating because you’re rush-rush-rushing meeting everyone else’s needs, but you’ve got zero time for your own basic needs.

– Overeating because your plans got hijacked (again) by someone else’s agenda.

– Overeating because you got bulldozed into doing something you deeply resent.

– Overeating because you deserve a treat, but your To Do list is that long and you haven’t left space in your day to reward yourself (because, somewhere, you said “yeah, sure” instead of “nope, not today”).

So what’s a busy but kind-hearted woman to do?

The quickest way to eliminate this type of overeating is a clean, clear and very firm “no”.

The great news is that learning to say “no” is a learned skill. Meaning, even if it’s been a while since you’ve practiced “no,” you can start owning your ”no”, right now, with a little guidance.

Here are Five Steps to Saying “No” With Style – it’s well worth the two minutes to read. Or Six Simple Tips to Owning Your “No”.

In a nutshell, living a life of saying “yes” when your soul is screaming “no” is exhausting. It’s a recipe for resentment and frustration…which breeds overeating.

My challenge to you dear reader – get familiar with saying “no.”

Then start a list. Where could you say “no” more? Where is your spirit calling you to say “no”? Where are you most afraid to say “no”?

What would change if you started to say “no” just as freely as you say “yes”?

Ultimately it’s about giving yourself some self-care so that you can be there for those you love and care about. Let’s face it, if you don’t have your health and happiness, what do you have to give?

Love etc, Avril

PS: If you need some help to own your “no” around food specifically or life in general, hypnotherapy can help. Why not drop me a line? I’m here to help.  No really, I am.

Several clients this week have talked about the frustration of ‘obligation eating’.

You know how it is.

You’re out to dinner with a friend, and while you don’t want pudding or that fourth glass of wine, they do. So you feel obliged to have more than you want, just to keep them company.

Or, you’re at your friend’s house for dinner. They’ve been slaving over a hot stove all afternoon. Unfortunately, it looks absolutely awful. You don’t want to eat it, but you feel like you have to.

Uh-oh. There’s little escape.

Or is there?

It’s true that there are a handful of situations where you can’t get out of eating something. But most of the time, the obligation to eat is a creation of our own mind.

Often clients say, “If I don’t eat what everyone else is eating I’ll ruin the fun of the party.”

That’s lovely that you think that the fate of the entire party relies on what you’re eating!

For example:

“It was my daughter’s fifth birthday, and she would’ve been very disappointed if I didn’t eat the chocolate cake.”

Reeeally? Is that true? Would your daughter’s party actually have been spoiled if you hadn’t eaten the chocolate cake?

I’d go so far as say no-one – not even birthday girl herself – cares what or how much you eat. She’s too busy having fun.

Let’s reverse the situation.

Imagine that you’re the one who’s prepared a special pudding for a friend, and she says she’s too full to eat it.

Unless you’re a psychopath, are you going to bear a lifelong grudge against this person?

Are you going to bring it up every time you see her? Will it keep you up at night? Will it actually spoil 2016 for you?

Sure, you might feel a little disappointed, but odds are a few hours later, you won’t even remember it.

And let’s say you’re on the receiving end. Can you imagine any of your friends saying, “Remember on July 12^th 1996, you didn’t have that apple pie I made?”

Haha, I don’t think so!

Obligation eating arises from us worrying about what other people think. It’s our very human desire to fit in with the tribe. It’s much more about our fear of what they’ll think, rather than what they actually do think.

Instead, take a step back and logically think about whether there’s a genuine reason for eating something that you don’t want.

There rarely is.

Listen to your body.

Your body instinctively knows when it’s comfortable when it’s had enough. It was born knowing – it’s an instinctual signal.

So start noticing when you overeat out of obligation or fear of what others think, and question your thinking. With this new awareness you might be pleasantly surprised to find that you have more control than you think.

And from now on, start caring more about your own health and happiness, rather than what other people deem ‘right’ for you.

Love etc, Avril

PS: If you sense that obligation eating is stopping you from having the health and happiness you desire, then the virtual gastric band can help. Why not c’mon over here and start a conversation and make peace with food, once and for all.