Archives April 2011

Imagine this scenario, if you will.

You’ve hit the gym every morning this week. You deftly avoided the donuts your boss brought in on Monday. You side-stepped your niece’s birthday cake on Tuesday. You’re feeling pretty darn chuffed with yourself, and deservedly so.

And then you step on the scales to see how much you’ve dropped.

Nothing.

Zip.

No movement.

It’s been two weeks and that number hasn’t budged. Disappointment rains down on you.

“Awwwwwwww c’mon…what am I doing wrong?”

You think about how you should have stayed an extra hour at the gym. You should have passed on that glass of red. You should have drunk more water.

Shoulda. Shoulda. Shoulda.

And whamo. You’re THERE again. Beating. Yourself. Up.

The voices in your head are at full volume crushing all that is bright, shiny and hopeful within you. All the good stuff you achieved during the week forgotten amidst the din.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we girls.

The weight loss journey can feel like a long, dark tunnel with no end in sight. So how does one stay motivated during the No Light At The End Of The Tunnel phase?

We are smart women. We know that:

– Failure is a stepping stone to success
– It’s not how many times we trip that counts – it’s how many times we get up, and
– A bend in the road is not the end of the road.

Knowing this should make it easy for us to handle the bumps. Apparently not!

Here’s four game-changing ways to keep hold of your mojo when your ultimate goal feels tantalising out of reach:

1) Focus on the small wins.

You must set yourself up for success (instead of its slippery-slopped-cousin failure) by celebrating your small wins. Success builds on success. Every long term achievement is built on a series of small wins that translates over time into a much larger success.

When the scales aren’t budging it’s vital to focus on the small wins like, “My jeans are feeling looser. I’m exercising five days a week. As a family we’re eating healthier – with only a bit of push back from the boys. I’m eating smaller portions.”

By doing this you’ll keep your mojo topped up. Your mojo is your fuel for the weight loss journey.

Remember our unconscious mind can be likened to a four-year-old child in many respects. It adores and responds well to praise…oodles of it. Catch yourself doing good stuff, focus on the small wins and praise, praise, praise.

So, I’m not insisting you go all-out-American with Oprah-style high-five-ing. But do grant yourself permission to indulge in a moderate kiwi-sized “woohoo” and a self-congratulatory smile, knowing that it’ll top up your mojo reserves.

2) Be patient.

I’m not convinced by the adage of ‘good things coming to those who wait’. You see, I’m more of an action girl myself. But one thing of which I have absolute conviction is that night always follows day.

If you are taking action then results must follow. This I promise you.

Sometimes results have their own time frame, and that’s OK. Keep your faith. Keep taking action. Be patient.

3) Quit focusing on what’s wrong.

We all spend an insane amount of time judging ourselves, worrying about what we could have done…should have done…would have done.

Focusing on the shoulda, coulda, woulda aspects of our day is a recipe for failure because the Law of Focus dictates this simple truth…what we focus on, grows. Focus on the negative and you’ll get a bunch more of what you wanted to avoid in the first place.

So, instead of your beat-yourself-up routine….STOP. And ask yourself:

– What did I learn?
– What am I focusing on?
– What am I making this (plateau) mean?
– What am I going to do about it now?

Use these questions to help you quit looking at what you didn’t do and re-focus on what you did do.

4) Reward yourself.

It’s important to reward yourself.

Frequently.

Rewards train your mind to associate your new habits with pleasure instead of drudgery. It is exactly how we create a new neural pathway and rewire our brains. We’re hard-wired for pleasure and we respond exceptionally well to a reward system.

As do dogs, children and husbands. Ahem.

But before you head for the fridge to reward yourself – make it a non-food one. You could treat yourself to a music download after achieving your exercise goals for the week. If music’s not your thing, experiment with what tickles your fancy and have the discipline to withhold it from yourself until you’ve earned it. Treat yourself to larger rewards weekly and a major reward at the end of month.

If you wait to nail your ultimate weight loss goal before you break out your victory dance, you’ll lose your mojo before you get there. The sure-fire way to have a big win is to have lots of little ones. They all add up.

Ironically most people are quick to commiserate when things don’t go well but are slow, glacially so, to celebrate when things do go well.

Happy people do it the other way around. It’s fun to be around the people who celebrate small wins. They are full of life and they bring life to people around them.

– When was the last time you celebrated your small wins?
– When was the last time you rewarded yourself?

Bust a move chicas 🙂

PS: Have fun resurrecting your “woohoos” from the back of your vocal wardrobe. Try it on for size. I do believe it’ll look very well on you.

Hello again. Nice to see you again. Good on you for taking action and being here today.

You asked for specifics. You got ’em hon!

Recent research demonstrates the far-reaching health effects of procrastination in our lives.

‘I’ll Look After My Health, Later’ is a fascinating study which links procrastination with higher stress levels, increased acute health problems and a lower immune function.

There’s little doubt about it. Procrastination isn’t healthy.

We all experience it – permission to be human, granted – and there many ways to get yourself moving again.

Here are 12 of them.

1) Invite fear to be your friend.

Fear is not the enemy. Since cave man days we’ve been programmed to avoid risk (sabre-toothed tigers) and to remain in our comfort zone. One of the major causes of procrastination is fear. … of failure, success, rejection, pain, discomfort, embarrassment, even death.

Our egos are very clever at protecting us from failure. So clever that we’re not even consciously aware of this protection mechanism. All we notice is that there are a tonne of ‘good reasons’ why we are unable to start a certain project … yet.

“Just another quick cup of tea”

“Oh, and I really need to call my mother, I haven’t been in touch with her for ages”

“I’ll just quickly check my emails, because I really need to get back to people”

“Phew. I’m suddenly really tired”

You can be-friend the fear by realising it will never go away. It’s hard-wired. Even super successful people get scared. The difference is they still do the thing they’re nervous about.

When I’m having a wobbly moment, I find this quote helpful, “It’s OK to have butterflies. Just get them to fly in formation.”

Fear can be a good thing. Honestly. It can be cautionary. It reminds us to consider carefully. A surge of fear, well-harnessed, can nudge you in a new direction.

Since it’s here for life, you may as well invite it round for a BBQ instead of having it lurking along the boundary fence.

2) Start somewhere and do something.

I have a close friend who gets an extraordinary amount done in her 24 hours. What I notice about her is that when she gets an idea, she writes it down and does something.

Immediately.

Most people get an idea. Then they sit there. They wonder if it’s a good idea. Then, they wonder if it’s a good idea some more.

Quit second guessing yourself. That’s procrastination in disguise.

Got an idea? Begin it now.

3) Collect the minutes.

We’re all busy. Lots of us complain about having no time. My guess is that we all have time. It just doesn’t happen to be all at once.

Are you waiting for many hours of spare time before you go for your walk or prepare that healthy dish? Stop waiting. Learn to use the spare 15 minutes that arise here and there.

4) Decide to be ‘approximately’ perfect.

Well-spotted you procrastinating perfectionistas out there. This one’s for you.

Set a goal and aim for approximately perfect. Not perfect. Approximately Perfect. Set a goal to show up. Let go of doing it all, or doing it well.

Some of my clients’ biggest victories have a lot more to do with getting over perfectionism and fear, than they do about getting it all done perfectly.

We’re designed to make mistakes. It’s how we learn. Perfectionism, as a way of life, tends to be self-defeating, inactive and not much fun.

As a reformed-perfectionist I know that my old pattern was to set my goals soooooo high that I’d never even start the first step.

5) Define quantities.

Nebulous goals make for nebulous results. “I’m gonna lose some weight” is a lot like saying, “We oughtta do something about the harnessing third world debt.”

Most procrastinators have a hard time defining quantities. We think everything needs to be done now. Then we go into overwhelm and do nothing.

How much? By when? For what purpose? How? What exercise will you do? How often?

Define the goal and celebrate its completion.

6) Less is more.

Have fewer goals. Have no more than three priorities for a week.

Why?

Because you’re not lazy. You’re just trying to do too much.

Find out what it feels like to accomplish one thing instead of not quite getting to everything.

7) Do it first.

I encourage my clients to exercise first thing in the morning. You must schedule a chunk of time for you as your first activity upon waking.

Why?

Because you’re telling the world (and your unconscious mind) that this is your priority. And then the world lines up everything to align with your priority.

Action grounds your priorities. It makes them real. It also makes your day easier because you’re not wasting energy thinking about this thing you’re supposed to be doing later.

8) De-fluff

Email, Facebook, television – any activity that steals time from you is fluff.

When you do it all the time, you never complete it. You just let it slowly drain the very life force from you. Define times for these activities. Then, turn off your email, your Facebook, your television, until that time comes.

9) Never ask how you “feel” about doing the activity.

Have you ever committed to getting up early to do exercise? And at 5.30am it’s like the you who set the alarm last night has been body-snatched?

You lie in bed thinking, “Do I really feel like going to the gym?” (Like you even have to ask.)

We’ve all been there.

Instead, you must make your decision, commit and when the alarm sounds and you’re cosy and snug in bed (here follows the most important step) completely de-link the emotion from what must be done and just do it. Thank you, Nike.

Do not have coffee and sigh and think, “I’ll probably feel more like it later”. Because you know that’s bull.

If it’s a priority, don’t waste time asking yourself how you feel about doing it. Feelings are an easy out.

10) Create a competition.

If you always leave stuff to the last minute so you get to feel the euphoric rush…you’re a thrill-seeking procrastinator. Instead get your kicks by creating a competition. Put yourself under play pressure and give yourself a reward when you succeed. Invent whatever scenario you like to do so. Be creative and trick your mind until a new habit is formed. .

11) Understand the power of self-praise.

For you procrastinating perfectionists who feel overwhelmed by the sheer thought of a project, ensure you always praise yourself for what you’ve done well instead of putting yourself down for what you yet have to do.

12) Break it down.

Some projects can be breath-takingly scary. You need to approach them obliquely. Face the challenge just enough so you catch some of the excitement radiating from it, but not so much that it paralyses you.

Enter…the Kaisen approach.

Kai- Zen is a Japanese-invented philosophy that delivers betterment in bite-sized bits. All you need to do is identify your next step and attend to that. Just as a sail boat can sail closer to the wind and increase speed once it gets going…so can you.

Step by step by step.

All 12 tips work individually or if you like to mix it up, try different combinations. Explore them all and use them to regain your power. Before you know it, you’ll have inspiration, excitement and motivation pulling you forward instead of having a to-do list pushing you in a bored fashion.

I’ll leave the final word to some bright spark who reckons, “If you are so good at procrastination, why don’t you put it off for a while?”

Love etc, Avril

References
Sirois, F. M. (2007). “I’ll look after my health, later”: A replication and extension of the procrastination-health model with community-dwelling adults. Personality and Individual Differences, 43 (1).

How ironic.

As I started to write this post, I thought, “I’ll just do the Sudoku first.” I caught myself in the act, marched to my laptop and put my fingers to the keyboard.

You probably already know that I’ve recently launched the Thinner Sparkle blog…you’re reading it now 🙂

It houses a bunch of non-diet weight loss wisdom where I get to introduce you to your own mind – and how it operates – so you get to change your body.

What you probably didn’t realise is that I’ve wanted to create this blog for at least the past two years, and I hadn’t been doing it.

Two years. 730 days. A. Long. Time.

Why not?

Because I couldn’t quite figure out the ‘right’ way to do it.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the best way forward, and told myself that once I’d sorted out how to organise it, then I’d make it happen, but I never seemed to be at a point where I could start writing.

What I didn’t realise is that that is my preferred flavour of procrastination.

“When I get clear on exactly ‘how’ I’m going to do this thing, as in, when I have a good enough plan then I’ll ‘get started’”.

Unfortunately, the more I tried to figure out how I was going to do it, the more I didn’t get started.

And time galloped on.

Until I remembered (for the umpteenth time) that the best place for me to discover ‘how’ is by taking action.

As it turns out, the only way to ever write a blog is by … well … writing it.

Doh.

So I started writing articles and the blog started taking shape before my eyes. It turns out that there were (and still are) issues to be solved and things I am figuring out along the way, but I discovered how while in the process of doing.

The traditional school of thought is that procrastinators are lazy. These are probably the same people who think you’ll fall of the edge of the earth if you sail out of sight of land.

Most people experience procrastination at some time in their lives. It isn’t about laziness. It’s about staying safe.

It’s about fear.

It’s about perfectionism.

It’s about indecision.

It’s about second-guessing yourself.

It’s about confusion.

It’s about overwhelm.

The P word is a symptom of issues playing around in your unconscious mind. Internal barriers and limiting beliefs are hard at work. The result is inaction … and lots of cups of tea.

If you’re ready to put an end to procrastination – these four steps are for you.

Do. Them. Now. Nike Girl.

1) Identify something you’ve been wanting to do, create or accomplish, but have been putting off making a start (or started and paused).

Since you’re reading this article it’s probably going to be around weight loss. Other common examples are:

– Getting fit
– Changing jobs
– Becoming a non-smoker
– Writing a book
– Starting your own business
– Finding a partner

2) Discover the story you’ve been telling yourself in order not to take action.

For example:

– “I don’t know how to do it”
– “I just need to work on this plan a bit more”
– “I’ll get it wrong”
– “I don’t know enough / have enough skill yet”
– “I’m not good enough”
– “I’m afraid of screwing up and looking / feeling stupid”

Chances are you have a preferred method for avoiding taking action. In my case it’s the “I just need to work on this plan a bit more” story.

The bad news is that this has tripped me up more times than I care to mention.

The good news is that having identified this as my preferred method, I’m wise to it. It still catches me out from time to time, but not for nearly as long as it used to.

Except when it does.

3) Ask yourself what would happen if you started taking action anyway?

While I wouldn’t want someone performing open heart surgery on me if they didn’t have enough skill, the reality is that most things people aspire to don’t have the same life or death consequences.

In fact, in most cases, the process of learning is supported and enhanced by taking action.

Why?

Because we learn by doing. So much so that …

You learn things by taking action that you can’t learn any other way.

When you take action, you’re interacting directly with the environment, and receiving input at a conscious and an unconscious level. Whenever you take action, you’re learning, and when you’re taking action on something new, you’re learning at a very high level.

For instance, there are things I’ve figured out within hours of writing the first article for the blog that I hadn’t been able to sort out in two years of planning.

4) What’s an action you can take within the next 24 hours to move you closer to your goal?

Allow yourself to be accompanied by your butterflies, your fears, your doubts, your indecision and any other demons who care to show up … and

…TAKE ACTION.

Taking action isn’t always pleasant.

For some of us… it’s very unfamiliar. Get leverage on yourself by focusing on the benefits, all the good stuff you’ll accomplish if you take that one tiny step right now.

Even a tiny step in the direction you want to go moves you a closer. In fact, the most extraordinary and seemingly complex accomplishments have been built upon countless tiny steps.

And the great thing about steps is that you only need to take one at a time.

And then another…

So what have we learned?

We’ve learned that procrastination is caused by focusing on our fear and pain rather than focusing on the love and pleasure we will gain by creating the change (whatever the change is for you).

Every day with my private weight loss clients I see examples of how the procrastination habit prevents them from ever having the health and happiness they so desperately seek.

Heavens…I see it in my own life … two years, anybody?!!!

Since it’s such an insidious habit I want to give you as many tools as possible so you can reeeeally nail it. So, I have done two things.

One is a procrastination worksheet. Use this to arm yourself with specific questions so you can tackle it head on.

Also since I get so many questions around the P word, the next post is 12 Sure-fire Ways To Busting Procrastination with very specific strategies you can apply immediately.

I trust this has helped you see that if you’re skilled in the art of procrastination, it is something you can change.

In fact, it’s a must.

Procrastination steals from you. It robs you of your time, your passion, your courage, and it makes you feel small, scared and powerless.

Fight back.

So, go on… just do it, ladies 🙂

Love etc, Avril

There. I did it. I’ve completed the article. And now, I don’t even want to do the Sudoku!

I need you to do something for me dear reader. It’ll only take a second. And it’s delightfully liberating.

Ready? OK. Go and grab all your nasty-flavoured shakes, rapid weight loss remedies and magic-cure diet books.

And toss them.

Nope. Don’t even think about donating them.

Bin ‘em. Well done sister.

Right, so where were we? Oh yes, weight loss.
Conventional wisdom holds that if we want to lose weight then …on a diet we will go.

But get this lovely lady. Tremendous news. You have permission granted to never diet again. Scientific permission even.

A recent study shows that diets work for fewer than 10% of the people who use them…and that the vast majority who do diet put on more weight than before they went on it.

That’s a 90% failure rate. Read that again. It’s a big number. I need you to get this. It’s important.

They. Don’t. Work.

And here’s why.

The real reason diets don’t work is nothing to do with you being lazy, indulgent or having no will power. It has everything to do with human biology.

In a study conducted in the 1940s, biological researcher Ancel Keyes discovered that reducing people’s calorie intake to a state of semi-starvation produced symptoms of irritability, loss of endurance and obsessive behaviour around food.

The results were astounding.

The men became fixated with food. Many began smoking, biting their nails and drinking coffee so excessively, they were limited to nine cups a day.

Even more telling, in the three months after the semi-starvation ended, their obsession with food continued. Many of the people ate up to 10,000 calories a day for months after the study was completed.

To top it off, the men’s metabolisms slowed down by up to 40%.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Here’s the real shocker. The semi-starvation rations from the study amounted to 1,500 calories a day, which is more than is allowed in many diets currently in vogue.

Basically dieting sends the famine message to your brain which is interpreted as “OMG! Warning! Panic! There’s not enough food here so put every spare calorie into fat cos we don’t know where our next meal is coming from.”

Hello starvation mode, food obsession and messed-up metabolism. And muffin top.

UK hypnotist Paul McKenna summed it up perfectly when he said, “Diets are essentially training courses in how to get fat and feel like a failure.”

So there you are ladies. If you want to lose weight Do Not Diet. Not Ever. Nope Not Even Once.

So if dieting isn’t the answer … how does one shed those extra kilos?

It’s a good question. I’m pleased you asked.

Being overweight is very often an emotional issue and no diet will ever fix that. In this series of posts I’ll share a delightfully liberating non-diet weight loss philosophy which will get to the heart of the weight loss problem.

You’ll learn what’s going on in your head and you’ll lose weight by making permanent inner adjustments which will be reflected externally in your hot new bod.

But enough about what future posts hold!

For today’s post, I wanted to open your eyes to the big fat lie we’ve bought (again and again) from diet gurus.

Repeat after me. Diets. Don’t. Work.

Now you’re one of the enlightened ones. Next time you see the Next Big Thing in celebrity diets you’ll remember that they’re the enemy of weight loss.

Since one of the definitions of madness is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result, I whole-heartedly encourage you to dump the diet mentality right now and explore the kinder, more freeing (and infinitely more fun) weight loss options found in these pages.

Good on you sister.

I’m leaving you with a quote from Erma Bombeck whose words succinctly remind us all of the futility of dieting.

Who else identifies with her, I wonder.

“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

Love etc, Avril

PS: This blog does use hypnotic language. But instead of sending you to sleep it’s going to wake you up. Are you ready to ignite your inner sparkle?
🙂
PPS: Go on … do let me know via the comments section below if you’re not completely convinced about the case against diets. I have plenty more ammo in my arsenal against the curse that is diet hell!

References
“Teenage Dieters Are More Likely to be Overweight and Suffer From Eating Disorders in the Future,” Medical News Today Website (April 14, 2006)
“They Starved So That Others Be Better Fed: Remembering Ancel Keys and the Minnesota experiment.” Leah M. Kalm and Richard D. Semba Journal of Nutrition, Vol. 135, June 2005, 1347-1352.