Who hasn’t fallen into the trap of, “When these lumps and bumps have gone, then I’ll love my body.”
Or, “I’ll start enjoying my reflection when I’m slimmer, sassier and seeeeexier.”
If you found yourself nodding to any of the above, permanent weight loss is going to be a challenge for you.
Here’s why…
When you tell yourself stories like “I’ll love my butt when it’s the perfect peach,” you’re giving yourself conditional love.
And no-one, your good-self-included, responds positively to conditional love.
It stymies.
It restricts.
It contracts.
And, we get so depressed and down in the dumps, we eat.
That’s because love with-conditions-attached unleashes the rebellious, self-sabotaging four-year old in us all.
You know the one!!! That vulnerable inner child who yearns to be loved for who she is, right now…
Not for her dress size.
Not for how she looks.
Definitely, not for how much she weighs.
What is conditional love?
Conditional love is saying, “I don’t love you…. well, not yet anyway…..sure, if you make some changes, then I’ll consider loving you…. but right now, you’re not good enough for my love.”
Ouch.
Imagine if your best friend said those words to you. You’d unfriend them. IMMEDIATELY.
And yet we speak to ourselves like that…. all the time.
Conditional love is about beating yourself up. It’s about judgement, shame, and comes from a negative place.
When you think about it, it’s an odd concept. “If I hate myself enough, I’d end up by loving myself^$#%*!!!”
So what is the answer then?
Permanent change happens when you come from a position of acceptance, knowing that you already are perfect, whole and complete, right now. Change occurs when you inhabit your body with love.
It is this 100% self-acceptance that subdues the rebellious four-year-old, and self-sabotage evaporates.
And this is where Kinnel’s delightful words resonate:
“Sometimes it is necessary to re-teach a thing its loveliness.”
Our broken-ness is learned, not innate. Children come into this world knowing they are already gorgeous and utterly deserving of love. We need to un-learn the illusion of our broken-ness.
Only kindness makes sense. Anything else is excruciating. We need to take care of our bodies with reverence instead of stuffing them beyond full.
Be curious.
Be gentle.
Be engaged.
Without cynicism, anger or impatience.
Step by step….. by step
We all have days where we trip and fall despite our best intentions. That’s OK.
Why not put down the negative game plan, the beating-yourself-up-stick and take the next small step. One step at a time.
Unconditional love etc, Avril
PS: If you need help to get out of the old patterns of beating yourself up and you’re ready to fall crazily – and with every fibre of your being – in love with yourself, drop me a line. Let it be easy…
