Archives 2012

A wise, old Cherokee is sharing some life lessons with his grandchildren.

Around him they gather, drunk with curiosity.

One of the children asks, “Grandfather, why do people fight?”

“Well,” he replies, “we all have two wolves inside of us. These wolves battle constantly.”

By now, the eyes of the children have grown enormous.

Their collective breath, held.

“One wolf is fear-filled. She recruits anger, envy, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, self-doubt, inferiority, superiority, lies, and ego.

The other wolf is love-orientated. She marinades in joy, peace, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

This battle rages inside of you…inside of us all,” concludes the man.

“But grandfather,” says the one of the children, “which wolf wins?”

“The one that we feed”, says the Cherokee.

Nice story, eh.

It’s easy to resonate with the two wolves inside, isn’t it?

Emotions, especially the fear-based ones, can grasp us in their tentacles.

Since you’re reading a post on weight loss, I’m guessing you know how difficult it can be to ‘snap out of it’, and get back to good, without opening a packet of your favourite comfort food.

Seeking comfort in emotional eating / overeating is one of the ways we escape the call of the fear-based wolf.

We escape the fear-based wolf, not by bolting or hiding (in food), but by focusing on the loving wolf.

What I like about this story is its message of hope.

And, the idea that we have a choice…we can stop feeding the fear-based wolf and start feeding the loving one at any given moment.

It’s that simple. But it isn’t easy.

When I share this story with clients they are often shocked at how utterly their world is dominated by the fear-based wolf. It’s become habit.

Think about it. The media is jam-packed with fear-based messages. We’re bombarded by scarcity.

Sickness. Terror. Blame. T & C’s. Not enough. Fine print. Rejection. Hate. Racism. War. Right/wrong.

Here’s the thing: we all have a loving wolf within. She’s just very underdeveloped. Underfed, you might say.

But she’s there.

Waiting. For. You.

To. Notice. Her.

It’s a challenge to nourish your loving wolf when your cunning fear-based wolf lurks nearby.

But please, persevere.

One day you’ll notice your loving wolf has become equally strong.

And, “Hello” tipping point. You’re making progress.

Sure the battle continues. But it gets easier. The love-filled wolf wins more often, she’s getting stronger.

So, start feeding the loving wolf.

Every day.

Quit feeding the fear-based wolf.

Every day.

Love etc, Avril

“I’m Italian,” she said. “I see pasta, I eat pasta. I can’t help it!!!”

It’s a very common situation.

Client’s unhappy with her weight. She’s frustrated.

Between the lines, hidden among the grammar are clues as to why she’s carrying the ‘little bit extra’.

Behind her words is her …. story.

What do I mean by ‘story’?

Story is whatever you repeatedly tell yourself as to why you aren’t your happy weight.

It’s your opt-out clause for when the going gets tough. Or the stereo-type you default to around food.

We all have a story.

And as with all stories, some end happily. Some crappily.

If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you simply MUST identify your limiting story.

Because your story is self-fulfilling.

It dictates your behaviour.

See, if you claim, “I just can’t say no to Tiramisu,” sure as eggs are eggs, every time it’s on the menu you’ll prove yourself right, and find you “can’t say no”.

We laugh, cry, joke and bond over our stories.

They seem harmless, but given their self-fulfilling nature – they’re insidious.

The first step: what’s my story?

Here are some of the most frequently cited by clients.

“I can’t be my happy weight because…”

– I don’t have time.

– The kids (work, business, partner) come first.

– I’m a foodie.

– I’ve had children.

– I’m over 40.

– I am lazy.

– I’ve never been sporty.

– All my family is large.

– I’m big boned.

– I have the ‘fat’ gene.

– I’m an ‘all or nothing’ person.

– I have no will power.

Which of these stories resonated with you?

Lots of ‘em? You’re not alone!

Most clients have one or several (yup, you can have more than one) of these self-fulfilling, sabotage-y stories preventing them from being their happy weight.

These stories, if unheeded, completely negate weight loss and absolutely set you up for failure.

Now you’ve identified your limiting story, you need to replace it with one that serves you…one with the potential for a happy ending.

The second step: re-write your story.

Even if you’ve lived with a story all your life, you can change your story now.

Pick one story at a time, and re-write it.

When you notice yourself running your old limiting story, “Yeah well, I’m Italian – I can’t help it” (or whatever YOUR story is), as you over-indulge in another bowl of pasta…

…just pause.

Stop.

Notice how your old story gave you permission to over indulge. And, you got to point the finger and excuse your actions, as you protested, I can’t help it!!!”

You can help it.

By changing your story.

How about….

“I’m Italian, and I love that we’re a slim, stylish and chic bunch.”

If you’re going to run with a stereotype, at least pick one that supports you feeling fabulous and being healthy.

When you change your story, your actions change.

Because – remember – your story is self-fulfilling.

The third step is practice.

Practice makes perfect.

Pick one story at a time.

Consciously re-write it.

Practice it.

Give yourself the opportunity of a happy ending.

Love etc, Avril

Depression. Hatred. Condemnation.

That’s what most of us feel when we hit a weight loss plateau.

And very soon we’re heading for the biscuit tin.

It’s not much fun, is it?

Last week you learned how to use focus to propel yourself through a plateau. Based on the emails cramming my inbox, I can see Plateau Land is a place that unites us all.

Most of the emails indicated a fear-based relationship with the plateau. And a number of you wanted advice on how to avoid them forever.

Sorry to disappoint. I have no advice on avoiding plateaus. Can an athlete win a gold medal without training? Probably not.

I do however have some home truths you can use immediately to convert frustration into motivation when you’re in Plateau Land.

Plateau Home Truth No 1. Plateaus are going to happen. Expect ‘em.

If you figure you’re the exception to this rule you’re in denial. You’re living in some kind of fantasyland.

What you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure. When the scales don’t move you say, “This doesn’t work, I might as well give up now.”

True or true, honey?!

Instead, you need to expect the plateaus.

Clients, who have successfully lost weight and kept it off, expect plateaus – celebrate them even – because they know they’re part of the journey.

So stop looking at a plateau as failure.

Expect them.

Welcome them.

Embrace them.

Plateau Home Truth No 2. Quit handing your power to the plateau.

A plateau is just a plateau.

Period.

You need to stop believing the plateau has some super power that it doesn’t actually possess.

That’s how we abdicate our own power.

We literally give it away by making the non-movement of the scale mean all sorts of unhelpful things.

The sky isn’t falling on your head. And no, you don’t suck. Stop making the plateau mean something it isn’t.

Instead, take back your power by asking yourself, “How do I need to look at it to make it ok?”

What if the plateau was simply a landing on the stairway to your goal? A chance to re-energise before moving forward? The opportunity for your body to catch up with your mind?

Consider this. When you’re first pregnant the outside world can’t see the miraculous changes happening inside you. The mirror only reflects the changes in the second trimester. Your weight loss journey is similar. The scales simply aren’t sophisticated enough to show all the changes happening in your head.

Home truth 3. What’s to learn here?

Sure, you want to be your goal weight right now. I get that.

And there’s an impatient part of you saying “If it doesn’t happen by Tuesday, then I may as well go back to my old habits, because obviously this doesn’t work”.

This impatience is simply the fear-based lizard brain chasing you back to your comfort zone.

Get past the lizard brain (and plateau) by asking yourself, “What do I need to learn here?”

If you learn the lesson, you’ll move forward. If you don’t learn the lesson, the class will be repeated. Yup, just like at school…

Maybe the lesson you need to learn is patience.

Or faith.

Or trust. In yourself. In the process.

Or persistence.

Or kindness.

Or unconditional love.

Or kindness.

Or gratitude.

What is it that you need to learn about yourself, the learning of which, will help you move past this plateau and release this as an issue in your life?

Take the time to listen for the answer.

If you are impatient you’ll go down the same path that’s failed before. Instead be kind. The smallest step can represent the biggest step forward, which indicates a break from the past.

And finally, darling, know this. You ARE going to reach your happy weight. There’s no question in your mind. You don’t wonder if you can. In your mind, it’s done. All that needs to happen now is your body to catch up with your mind.

Love etc, Avril

“I’m feeling blue. I weighed in today and I’ve plateau-ed. I don’t get it. And I’m really worried I’m going to be this weight forever.”

Writes a reader from the UK. I get this exact question (or one of its cousins) regularly.

So, today’s post is dedicated to every single one of you who’s ever veered into the mass frustration that is the Weight Loss Plateau Land.

Chances are you’ve been there.

I know I have.

If you want to lose weight and keep it off you must learn how to handle the plateaus. It’s fundamental. It’s one of the key skills that separates those who achieve their goals from those who don’t. The good news – it’s entirely learnable.

What do YOU do when you find yourself in Plateau Land?

When the number on the scales hasn’t moved do you stomp your foot and moan “What have I done to deserve this? It’s soooooo unfair!!!” as you throw in the towel?

It’s understandable if you do.

That’s what most people do. Most of us get depressed and hate or condemn ourselves. We go into beat-ourselves-up mode. And very soon we’re heading for the biscuit tin.

But you darlin’ – you’re not most people.

Because today you’re going to see how you can go from throwing-in-the-towel tantrums to its polar opposite – using the towel to wipe the sweat off your brow – as you move closer to your weight loss goal.

Next time you plateau – and trust me, if you’re alive and on any journey you WILL plateau – here’s the question you need to ask yourself so you can get back to your happy place and continue the journey towards your goal.

It’s deceptively simple. Do not be deceived.  It has the capacity to change your world and nudge you out of Plateau Land.

What am I focusing on?

If you’ve been reading my posts for a while now, you know what you focus on expands.

It’s vital you learn to direct your focus so you get more of the stuff you want. Do NOT obsess over stuff you don’t want more of.

Take Jackie and Jill for example. On weigh-in day they both have no movement. Hello Plateau Land.

Jackie focuses on the non-movement of the needle.

“OMG – this is sooooooo unfair!!!!” The non-movement and all that it means to her consumes her every moment. She thinks of nothing else. She believes the nasty thoughts in her head. She feels depressed. She remembers aspects of her past that she can’t change. She recalls all the times she’s de-railed before. “How silly was I to think I could do this?” She sees all the flaws in her life. And herself.

Queue the tears, email the invites for the Woe Is Me Pity Party, and let the excuses unfold. Jackie throws in the towel.

Jill notices the non-movement of the needle.

“Sh*t it!!!” She takes a deep, calming breath and recalls her Small Wins from the week. (Small Wins are any changes – no matter how seemingly insignificant – that if repeated will move you closer to your goal). When she thinks about it, there’s good deal of them. She’s eaten her veges, she’s moved her butt every day, and she’s noticed she’s listening to her body and saying “no” more. Get this – she’s even starting enjoy the process. Who’d have thought? Yay!

She focuses on her future and reminds herself how if she keeps momentum and does the things she’s doing, she’ll be at her goal weight soon enough. She notices how wonderful her life really is – she’s above ground, isn’t she?! The more she focuses on gratitude, the better she feels. And with a smile on her face she realises she doesn’t have to wait until she’s her goal weight to feel good and love herself – she can give herself permission to feel fabulous now!

Queue sense of pride, achievement and momentum. Jill uses the towel to wipe the sweat off her face.

So, same lack of movement on the scales.

One directed her focus. One didn’t.

Completely different outcome.

(I did say it was deceptively simple.)

The question is what are you going to do?

So, dear reader, what do you do when you hit a plateau? What’s the single best bit of advice you’ve used to leverage yourself out of Plateau Land? Share and inspire us in the comments section below.

(Focused) love etc, Avril

I came across an interesting study this week.

Psychologist, Bruce Alexander, has found a link between captivity and addiction.

“I’m not in prison or in a cage. I just wanna shed some weight – what’s this have to do with me?”

Read on, sweetheart. You’ll be pleased you did.

I know I was.

This clever chap Alexander took two groups of rats. One group was homed in an ordinary cage. It had the basics – food, water, shelter, company.

The other group was housed in a veritable ‘rat paradise’. These rats had toys, tunnels, burrows, room to roam – lots of stimulation and opportunities for exploration. Think Dreamworld for rats.

Both groups had the choice of plain water or sugar-water laced with morphine. The ‘basic cage’ rats (those with no amusements) headed for the morphine sugar-water and, were soon addicted.

The rats in Dreamworld preferred the plain water. No matter how much sugar was added to the drugged water, these rats wouldn’t drink it, which is especially impressive since rats adore sugar-water.

Here’s the thing. When the ‘basic cage’ rats were thoroughly addicted to the morphine, Alexander re-housed them in the rat Dreamworld where – get this – they ceased drinking drugged-water immediately.

They quit the addiction, as it were, and weaned themselves off the very addictive morphine, quickly and with little effort.

And that’s where the implications for weight loss arise, methinks.

Here’s why…

Discipline versus joy

This research got me thinking about my own food journey. As I looked back, I noticed I used food most when I felt trapped or captive in some way.

Or, there simply wasn’t very much joy in my life.

When I was most addicted and obsessed with food, eating (ahem, overeating) was one of the few pleasures in my day.

I see this very often in my clients.

Typically clients are the archetypal ‘good girls’. They’re hard-working perfectionists, eager to please others and are the first to put their hands up for the tough jobs. They very often put other people’s needs first, while depriving themselves.

When clients describe a typical day, I notice that frequently there’s not much in the day that they actually really, truly, deeply enjoy.

They often mention “feeling trapped” or “just going through the motions” to describe their work or life in general. Food, very often, is their only joy.

And, so often these gorgeous women come to me to learn the secret of how to be even more disciplined so they can lose weight. The rat research (as well as my own observation) implies it’s more joy they need, not more discipline.

Fortunately, for most clients the allure of overeating subsides when the feeling of captivity and unhappiness diminish, simply with the addition of joyful activities.

Sure, there’s no outlet or activity that works for everyone. All you need to do is follow your joy and notice which activities liberate and nourish your soul.

For me, joy-oozing activities include being in, on or under the water, walking (actually, doing anything with) my woofer, and running…especially with said woofer.

Your own personal joy creation starts now

Moving forward, start to add joyful activities into your day. It needn’t take much time. Make joy-creation a habit and watch yourself bloom in a joyful (not belt-expanding) way.

Some Qs for starters

What do you do every day just for giggles or the 100% pure fun of it?

What needs to happen for you to have a smile on your dial, a spring in your step and a sparkle in your eye?

Where’s your happy place? And how can you bring even more of it into your life? Every day?

So sweetheart, share and inspire us in the comments section below. What are you going to do even more of so you get to experience more joy every day? What will you stop doing so you can clear space for joy to shine through?

Go on, create your own Dreamworld. Joy makes a terrific foundation.

Laters joy-creators. Time for me to hang with my woofer.

Joyful love etc, Avril