Archives 2016

We all know the golden rule.

You know,  the one your mum taught you…

“Treat others as you want to be treated yourself.”

But how many of us apply that rule to ourselves? Regularly? Ever?!

Why’s this rule important?

Recent research has shown self-compassion to be a critical ingredient for happiness, health and weight loss.

In the experiment at Wake Forest University, it was found that even small amounts of self-compassion could influence our eating habits in a positive manner.

In the study, the students participated in what they thought was a food-tasting experiment.

Researchers found that the women who felt guilty and beat themselves up about eating the ‘naughty foods’ – in this case doughnuts and lollies – ate larger quantities.

The women who gave themselves permission to enjoy the doughnuts were more abstemious with their portion size and also reported enjoying the food more.

Even a small amount of self-compassion goes a long way towards helping us make healthier food choices.

Why don’t we women have more compassion for ourselves?

Are you afraid you’ll be a bad mother, a terrible partner, an unfulfilled individual if you’re kinder to yourself?

Sounds crazy, but many of us women do think along those lines!

We’re afraid that unless we’re critical of ourselves each and every day, (like hating ourselves slim), we’ll somehow go “off the rails”.

Be unproductive.
Abandon our dreams.
Gain three dress sizes.
Sit on the sofa all day watching re-runs on Netflix.

Here’s the curious thing: being compassionate toward ourselves is not the same as being indulgent or lazy.

And having self-compassion doesn’t hold us back from our best work, our best self or achieving our goals.

Just the opposite.

Self-compassion nourishes the soul. It rejuvenates and energises us. It puts a bounce in our step, a smile on our face and gives us the courage to keep on keeping on towards our goals. 

Life feels much much easier, lighter, and more inspired when we come from a place of love, and understanding.

Nourished.
Rejuvenated.
Full.

No more needing to fill ourselves up with things that don’t work.

Like biscuits, when we’re lonely.
Or chips, when we’re overwhelmed.
Or that third glass of wine because we’re stressed.

What is self-compassion?

It’s allowing yourself to be a work in progress – no matter how many times you stumble. It’s seeing yourself without judgment, disappointment or disapproval.
It’s being to guide yourself through the ebb and flow of life with a loving inner voice.

Under developed self-compassion muscles

Self-compassion is a habit we have to develop actively. It takes little time, or energy. Simply a shift in focus.

Next time you go off track in any area of your life or something doesn’t go according to plan, pretend that your most beloved friend was responsible, instead of you.

Or imagine you’re guiding your two-year daughter. How would you talk to her?

That’s right, probably gently, kindly and with a heart full of love!!!

So please remember the golden rule: treat yourself as you would treat others and notice how much more energised and rejuvenated you can feel every day.

Love etc, Avril

PS: If you need a helping hand with developing your compassion muscle and becoming the shape and size you want to be, the virtual gastric band can help. Curious? Why not pop on over here and start the ball rolling. I’m here to help : )

A major stumbling block for women, especially women looking to lose weight, is the inability to say “no” without feeling very, very guilty.

For many of us, saying “no” triggers our deepest fears.

“Uh-oh, I’m unkind/not-good-enough/not-loving-enough (…fill in the blank…) and other people will see I’m unkind/not-good-enough/not-loving-enough.”

Many clients I work with overeat because they can’t say “no.”

And I’m not talking about food here. Well, not specifically.

I’m talking about all those times during the day where you nod “yes” instead of politely declining.

If you aren’t ‘owning your “no”‘, you’re probably gaining weight

Many of us women are conditioned from birth to believe it’s feminine, and somehow attractive, to put other people’s needs first. And, if we don’t, then we’re “selfish”.

Of course, rationally, we know that’s utter bull. Because behind every people-pleasing-yes-woman stews resentment, frustration, and fear. And ladies, we know that combo is a recipe for overeating.

What saying “yes” when we mean “no” looks like

– Overeating because you’re rush-rush-rushing meeting everyone else’s needs, but you’ve got zero time for your own basic needs.

– Overeating because your plans got hijacked (again) by someone else’s agenda.

– Overeating because you got bulldozed into doing something you deeply resent.

– Overeating because you deserve a treat, but your To Do list is that long and you haven’t left space in your day to reward yourself (because, somewhere, you said “yeah, sure” instead of “nope, not today”).

So what’s a busy but kind-hearted woman to do?

The quickest way to eliminate this type of overeating is a clean, clear and very firm “no”.

The great news is that learning to say “no” is a learned skill. Meaning, even if it’s been a while since you’ve practiced “no,” you can start owning your ”no”, right now, with a little guidance.

Here are Five Steps to Saying “No” With Style – it’s well worth the two minutes to read. Or Six Simple Tips to Owning Your “No”.

In a nutshell, living a life of saying “yes” when your soul is screaming “no” is exhausting. It’s a recipe for resentment and frustration…which breeds overeating.

My challenge to you dear reader – get familiar with saying “no.”

Then start a list. Where could you say “no” more? Where is your spirit calling you to say “no”? Where are you most afraid to say “no”?

What would change if you started to say “no” just as freely as you say “yes”?

Ultimately it’s about giving yourself some self-care so that you can be there for those you love and care about. Let’s face it, if you don’t have your health and happiness, what do you have to give?

Love etc, Avril

PS: If you need some help to own your “no” around food specifically or life in general, hypnotherapy can help. Why not drop me a line? I’m here to help.  No really, I am.

Several clients this week have talked about the frustration of ‘obligation eating’.

You know how it is.

You’re out to dinner with a friend, and while you don’t want pudding or that fourth glass of wine, they do. So you feel obliged to have more than you want, just to keep them company.

Or, you’re at your friend’s house for dinner. They’ve been slaving over a hot stove all afternoon. Unfortunately, it looks absolutely awful. You don’t want to eat it, but you feel like you have to.

Uh-oh. There’s little escape.

Or is there?

It’s true that there are a handful of situations where you can’t get out of eating something. But most of the time, the obligation to eat is a creation of our own mind.

Often clients say, “If I don’t eat what everyone else is eating I’ll ruin the fun of the party.”

That’s lovely that you think that the fate of the entire party relies on what you’re eating!

For example:

“It was my daughter’s fifth birthday, and she would’ve been very disappointed if I didn’t eat the chocolate cake.”

Reeeally? Is that true? Would your daughter’s party actually have been spoiled if you hadn’t eaten the chocolate cake?

I’d go so far as say no-one – not even birthday girl herself – cares what or how much you eat. She’s too busy having fun.

Let’s reverse the situation.

Imagine that you’re the one who’s prepared a special pudding for a friend, and she says she’s too full to eat it.

Unless you’re a psychopath, are you going to bear a lifelong grudge against this person?

Are you going to bring it up every time you see her? Will it keep you up at night? Will it actually spoil 2016 for you?

Sure, you might feel a little disappointed, but odds are a few hours later, you won’t even remember it.

And let’s say you’re on the receiving end. Can you imagine any of your friends saying, “Remember on July 12^th 1996, you didn’t have that apple pie I made?”

Haha, I don’t think so!

Obligation eating arises from us worrying about what other people think. It’s our very human desire to fit in with the tribe. It’s much more about our fear of what they’ll think, rather than what they actually do think.

Instead, take a step back and logically think about whether there’s a genuine reason for eating something that you don’t want.

There rarely is.

Listen to your body.

Your body instinctively knows when it’s comfortable when it’s had enough. It was born knowing – it’s an instinctual signal.

So start noticing when you overeat out of obligation or fear of what others think, and question your thinking. With this new awareness you might be pleasantly surprised to find that you have more control than you think.

And from now on, start caring more about your own health and happiness, rather than what other people deem ‘right’ for you.

Love etc, Avril

PS: If you sense that obligation eating is stopping you from having the health and happiness you desire, then the virtual gastric band can help. Why not c’mon over here and start a conversation and make peace with food, once and for all.

Often, when we’re on the weight loss journey, we think we’re taking the right actions, but we’re missing something crucial.

Today, I want to give you a real life example.

Lisa came to see me last year.

Since her youngest was born 12 years ago, she’d tried different diets to shift the 15kgs that she’d gained.

She’d start a new diet and pretty soon after, something would happen:

– A cross word with her husband
– Stress around a deadline at work
– Juggling one of life’s many demands.

Whatever the reason, Lisa found that her emotions got the best of her, and she would find herself at the bottom of a family-size bar of chocolate, and toss out her healthy eating intentions, “until next Monday.”

It didn’t seem to matter which diet it was, or how well she had been doing; the result was always the same.

It happened time and time again. And over the last decade, despite trying to lose weight, Lisa had steadily gained it.

What makes it such a struggle?

The non-food side of weight loss

The reason she was struggling was Lisa was unaware of the non-food side of weight loss.

In her case, and for many women, the “missing link” was learning to manage her emotions without food.

We’ve all met people (you may even be married to one!), who say that weight loss is simple: “just eat less” they tell you.

But if it were really that simple, no one would be overweight. The point is, there are lots of triggers that contribute and overwhelm our rational abilities to “just eat less.”

If you want to shift weight permanently you must, must, must deal with the comfort eating, or weight loss will be a continual struggle.

What can you do?

Comfort eating help:  identify the cause

Observe the times when you overeat or snack for comfort. Ask yourself, “What are the triggers?”

Is it stress?
Is it boredom?
Is it a particular situation, .e.g work, weekend, social conditions?
Is it linked to a particular person?

Write down as many specific details as you can think of over the course of a week. Be gentle – this is not about judging yourself, it’s about a new awareness of yourself.

When you have finished, congratulate yourself! Maybe even a high five!

Most people have zero awareness as to why they sabotage their healthy eating intentions. You, on the other hand, have just discovered a big part of what’s been holding you back from achieving your goals.

And with that fresh awareness, you can start to change your story, you can steadily and progressively become the shape and size you want to be.

Love etc, Avril

PS: If you’ve identified what’s causing the comfort eating but you need a hand helping you change your habits, hypnotherapy can help. Why not take the first step and drop me a line so you can make peace with food…

As a hypnotherapist who helps women end emotional eating, I’ve heard my share of ‘stories’:

– “I’ve been overeating a lot this year – ever since the redundancy.”
– “My child is seriously ill and I can’t stay away from the lollies.”
– “I’m in the middle of a divorce so I snack on junk all day.”

And so on, and so on…..

Here’s the thing: life happens.

We don’t get to choose the cards we’re dealt.

But we can choose how to play the cards we’re dealt.

How we play our cards depends on 1. what we focus on and 2. how we tell our story.

These two aspects shape our world….and…

…they also determine our weight.

For example, if you focus on how “hard it is to lose weight” and that specific thought is on high repetition in your head, I can promise you it will be hard.

And, if you tell yourself that “when things get tough I need chicken crisps” (when you aren’t even hungry), guess what, you’re setting yourself up so that you will strengthen those habits.

So, what is the answer?

If you’re in the habit of overeating when life feels hard, what can you do?

You re-focus on the good.

I am truly blessed to have ________ in my life right now.
I am so happy and grateful for _______ in my day.
With all my heart, thank you for _________ .

Think about today, last day, week or month and actually list the good bits.

Think about the good. Focus on the good. Be grateful for the pockets of good in your life.

Then focus on your eating with these thoughts in mind.

And create your new story around food.

There are things you’re doing to help yourself be the shape and size you want to be.
What are the things you’re doing that are self-loving and nourishing.
Name the aspects of your body for which you can be grateful.

And notice how with this shift in focus, how buoyant your new story feels and from this springboard of gratitude you will start getting different results.

And yes, it takes practice, but like anything you get better with practice. Choosing to re-focus on something positive and tell a new story is a choice you can make every day.

A bad day or week or month doesn’t have to become a bad year. Allow yourself to feel sad, cross whatever it is you need to feel, then re-focus on the good again.

If one person can learn to re-write their story around food no matter what life deals them, then you can too.

Love etc, Avril

PS: If you’ve got a story that you can’t seem to cahnge, drop me a line and we can re-write it together with hypnotherapy. Let’s pen a new story for you – one of glowing health, a bounce in your step and you being your happy shape and size.