Archives 2018

Photo credit: Huffington Post

She sat across from me in the chair.

Her shoulders hunched. Tears of sadness streamed down her face.

Her youngest had recently left home to go travelling.

Ironically, tearful mum had looked forward to her daughter’s independence for years, but now that it was here, she felt extreme pain.

A deep, aching pain that she was attempting to soothe with sugar every evening.

Logically, she understood that no amount of sugar could ease the pain in her heart.

Or turn back time.

Or bring her daughter home.

It got me thinking about the many things in life that change, and how we instinctively cling to them.

Why is letting go hard for us?

We’re human.

Most of us find uncertainty scary.

We prefer the comfort of the familiar.

We like the safety of knowing that ‘how things are, is how they will remain.’

But, staying the same goes entirely against the laws of the nature.

Because everything changes

Whether we’re ready or not.

Sobering, I know!

Repeat after me, “Life is change.”

When I work with women to get to the bottom of the extra weight they’re carrying, I commonly hear goals that are anchored in the past.

– “I want to go back to looking like I did in my 21st photos.”

– “I want to feel like I felt when I could wear the jeans I wore at university.”

When we think like that, we’re clinging onto the past.

It’s even reflected in the language we use—”go back”.

We know instinctively that we’d feel happier, freer and more joyful, when we let that go.

…and face forwards.

Start facing forwards

In this client’s case, she needed to move on from the mum/daughter relationship established when she was changing her child’s nappies—and look ahead.

As she looked ahead, her shoulders straightened. She soon saw the unlimited possibilities as to the kind of blossoming relationship she could have with this adventurous young woman!

But if she kept clinging to ‘what was’ by carrying her past, she was limiting her joy, her happiness, and her growth.

Which would keep her stuck in the cycle of comfort eating.

So, the next time you find yourself dwelling on the past, say goodbye to how you were and how it was—with compassion, with gratitude and without regret.

Be gentle on yourself and understand that everything changes.

Even you.

Love etc,

PS: If you’re struggling with the pain of an empty nest or you find yourself overeating in response to carrying ‘stuff’ from your past, hypnotherapy can help. If you’d like help facing forwards, c’mon over and start a conversation to free up your future?

PSS: The next round of Lighten Up, the 6-week online VGB programme for women, starts 13th of August. More details to follow in your inbox.

Image credit: 123FR

“Several years ago I dieted and lost a lot of weight. But after a stressful house move, child number two and a work restructure, I’ve put all the weight back on. I’m devastated.

Every morning I demand of myself, “Today I’ll eat sensibly.”

But by evening, I get the urge to binge on biscuits, cake and chocolate.

It’s like there’s two parts living in me—the sensible one and the rebelling one!

How can I commit only to the part of me that wants to eat sensibly?”

Firstly, thank you, gorgeous new subscriber, for the question.

Secondly, I feel your frustration.

The scenario you’ve described is precisely why so many of us women struggle with being our happy shape and size long term.

It’s like an inner tug of war, the two sides: Team Deprivation versus Team Binge.

Which team are you giving your power to?

What I suggest you do is stop giving your power to Team Deprivation. You can do this by changing your inner talk.

While your morning affirmation—”today I’ll eat sensibly”—sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to say.

It works against you because you start to feel deprived.

For example, when you demand “I’m not allowed to eat those ‘bad’ foods”, your rebelling inner three-year-old-self comes out to play.

“You’re not the boss of me!” she claims, stamping her foot. “You can’t tell me what to do!”

Giving ourselves strict rules around what we can and can’t eat, a ‘good food‘ or a ‘bad food‘, creates a feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out).

Deprivation—the enemy of weight loss

These strict rules and deprivation make us feel miserable and sorry for ourselves.

Sadly, it also increases cravings, and then at some point—because you’ve felt deprived all day—you give in to the tantruming inner child.

Boooooooooooom! Team Binge wins.

Let go of the ‘I’m not allowed’ thoughts about being ‘good’ or being ‘sensible’.

Instead, be gentle, playful and less rigid.

Ask your wise body:

“What do I need to eat today to feel nourished, supported and healthy?”

When you eliminate the strict rules from your day, you’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to be satisfied on smaller and smaller amounts of food.

The rebellious inner-child that resides in us all, is content, peaceful and happy.

Love etc,

 

 

PS: If you’re locked into a tug of war between your extreme rebel side and your extreme sensible side, hypnotherapy can help you take a more moderate peaceful path that you were born knowing.

If you’d like to remember how to tune in to your body’s innate wisdom and make peace with food, c’mon over so you can become your happy shape and size.

photo credit: getty images

Every day clients share their stories of stress eating and self-soothing with food.

“How do I avoid turning to food for emotional comfort?” is a very frequently asked question.

Food is everywhere these days. It’s become a very easy ‘go to’ for soothing ourselves when life feels tough.

Like when you’re feeling anxious, bored or tired.

Perhaps you’re celebrating a win—or, ironically—commiserating a loss.

Maybe you’re fed-up because you’ve been chasing the kids all day.

Conversely, are you feeling lonely because you’ve no kids to chase?

Fake joy

Sadly, when we self-soothe with food, rarely do we experience genuine joy, happiness or peace.

Sure, for the five minutes our head is in the tub of ice cream, it can ‘seem’ like happiness.

The creamy ice cream seems soothing, at least momentarily.

But, if we’re honest, it’s a five-minute ‘fake’ joy, which evaporates very quickly once we scrap the bottom of the tub.

For many women, the after-taste of ice-cream is one of guilt, shame and, in extreme cases, self-hate.

Self-soothing with food is like rubbing salt into the wound.

The pain worsens.

Our self-respect decreases.

Our self-hate increases.

And it doesn’t address what caused the wound in the first place.

So, what can you do instead?

1. Pause

Start catching yourself the next time you reach for the ice cream to soothe an uncomfortable feeling—and pause.

Remember an emotion is just a feeling. It can’t actually hurt you!

I know, I know, I know: you’re terrified that if you give the negative feeling an inch, it’ll take a mile, and you’ll drown in your tears, or the dark abyss will swallow you. I promise you; you won’t!

Ironically, when we eat to avoid our uncomfortable emotions we give them power.

So pause. Just stop, for a second.

2. Acknowledge the illusion

Most of our uncomfortable feelings have as much substance as a soap bubble. This fear that they have strength is an illusion.

What happens when you poke your finger through a soap bubble? That’s right – it pops.

If you want to eliminate comfort eating for good, you’ve got to allow emotions to bubble to the surface.

So, take a couple of deep breaths, close your eyes and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. Welcome the feeling, and allow it to bubble up.

3. Welcome the feeling

Often, when you welcome and acknowledge the feeling, “Geez, I feel reeeeally nervous, right now,” the feeling will “up and away” of its own accord.

The simple act of welcoming, acknowledging and voicing our fears, can remove the fear, or anxiety or nerves.

So start asking “Could I welcome the feeling to just be there?”

Either “yes” or “no” is okay. Curiously, you’ll still often let go, even if you say “no.” Go with the first answer that comes up – no second guessing or over thinking.

4. Transform the feeling

Ask yourself, “Am I willing and open to let this feeling go?” Again, stay away from debate.

If the answer is no, ask yourself, “Would I rather have this feeling or be free?” 

Even if the answer is “no,” go to the next step.

Ask yourself this simpler question, “When?” This is an invitation to let it go, now.

Remember, the letting go is a decision you can make anytime.

Repeat these steps as you go through your day, whenever guilt, anger, frustration, anxiety, or any heavy emotion comes up.

These questions are helpful when you’re en route to the fridge, and as you open the door you’ll realise the desire to eat has upped and awayed along with the emotion you were feeling.

Like anything, this requires practice. Very quickly, the results will get more and more predictable and you’ll notice how you can let go of any emotion that tries to weigh you down.

No drama.

No self-soothing.

Just soap bubbles popping.

And the feeling of genuine joy, genuine happiness and genuine peace with food.

Love etc, Avril

PS: If stress eating is something that’s preventing you being your happy shape and size, you might be interested in the release of my online Virtual Gastric Band Lighten Up programme next month. It’s a comprehensive six-week programme which address stress eating via the power of hypnosis.

Picture credits: Pinterest

As strange as it sounds, your mind has a way of standing between you and the silhouette you covet.

Your mind has the potential to help you become your happy shape and size.

But, it can also do an eye-wateringly good job of sabotaging your healthy intentions.

That little voice just chats away in your head, doesn’t it?  

“Seeeeeeee, I toldddddddd you …. you’ll NEVER be the shape you want to be!!!!” as you dive into the biscuit tin.

Depressing, right?

Before you can change your body – you must first be aware that it’s your head that’s preventing you from shifting the weight.

So, have you got a fat head?!

Here are eight signs it’s your head keeping you overweight.

1. You know HOW to live a healthy lifestyle …. but…. well…. you just don’t DO it, even though you’re desperate to become your happy shape and size.

2. You can’t seem to stay consistent with healthy habits for an extended period.

3. It’s like there’s a tug-of-war battling away inside you. This battle is between the part of you that wants to lose weight and the part of you that fights it. And darn it, it’s the fighting part that always wins as you overeat and avoid exercise.

4. You find it hard to imagine ever having a peaceful relationship with food or your body.

5. You continue to do the same things over and over, getting the same results – that you do not like – and you tell yourself “maybe, hopefully, someday ‘things will change”’.

6. You refuse to get the help of a professional because you think you should be able to ‘sort it out’ on your own.

7. You consistently search for and collect food and exercise and motivation tips while ignoring where 95% of the problem is—in your head—the part that stops you from taking action with those tips!

8. You don’t like the reflection you see in the mirror and feel hopeless to do anything about changing it.

The bottom line is this…

If you’re unhappy with your shape and size—and you’re not getting the results you seek—there’s “stuff” going on in your unconscious mind that’s preventing you from being your happy, healthy weight.

And no amount of dieting can remedy that.

HEADS-UP: If you’re sitting there reading this thinking “I just need to harden up and sort it out”, know this. If you could ‘sort it out alone’, you’d have done it by now…….right?!

But what if you were to ditch your fat head and get a happy, healthy weight management mindset instead?

Then what?

Imagine that sweetheart…

Love etc, Avril

PS: Permanent, lasting weight management can be challenging. If you’re really really ready to be your happy shape and size, hypnotherapy can help you release your unconscious barriers so you can be the shape and size you choose to be. Why not pop on over here and explore what hypnotherapy can do for your energy levels, your head and your health?

picture credit shutterstock

About a month ago, a bunch of brave women—maybe even gorgeous you—resolved to make changes to their health, their energy levels, their shape and size.

If you’re one of the 8%, who is still ‘hanging in there’ with your resolution, excellent work.

Because, today, I’m talking to women like me– those of us who struggle with NY’s resolutions!

Now, I know a lot of terrific health professionals who rave about the ‘resolutions’ process.

“Pick a great big hairy audacious goal,” they say, “take massive action,” they say, “and goooooo for it at all costs.”

Hmmmmm.

In my personal and clinical experience, this kind of lofty thinking can be intimidating.

Sure, there’s always going to be the extraordinary working-full-time mum-of-four who’ll lose 25kgs and run her first marathon by Easter. She’s clearly awesome, but she’s not ‘most of us’.

Statistically, most of us have fallen off the wagon by February.

So, if you’re sitting on the sofa looking for left-over Christmas treats, feeling like you’ve already failed yourself for the year, here’s what to do.

1. Have a big goal but make the daily actions T.I.N.Y.

Make your action steps so small that you cannot help but hit the target. Take the teeny-weeny-est step possible that moves you in the direction of your goal.

So, instead of “resolving” to lose four dress sizes by March” or “I will run for 12kms every day no matter what,” decide to shift one kilo. Just-the-one-kilo.

2. Then, focus on changing one small habit that will lead to shifting that 1kg.

Is it taking that 5-minute walk after dinner five times a week? Perhaps it’s sitting at the table and/or turning off the telly when you eat so you can be more mindful of your food. Pick one small habit to focus on at a time.

Then, when you’ve shifted that kilo, celebrate! Perhaps a haircut, a massage or a new iTunes album—and decide to shift one more kilo.

After that one’s gone—celebrate the win—get a manicure, and commit to shifting one more kilo and changing one more habit.

Before you know it, you’ve dropped a dress size, and you’re positively glowing from all the celebratory self-care!

Now you’re gathering momentum.

And even better than your shrinking silhouette is the growing belief in yourself.

You can do this.
You are doing this!
Easily, patiently, gracefully.

3. Let go of the ‘perfectionist’ in you

Do you see what we’re doing here? We’re rethinking that “all or nothing perfectionist” thinking. That “unless I eat ‘perfectly,’ then I suck” mentality.

We’re rebuilding our trust in ourselves. We’re setting ourselves up for success (rather than guaranteed failure).

Perfection guarantees weight loss failure. It’s a lie. A lie that keeps us stuck, frustrated and unhappy.

Or, as one of my mentors says, “Once you’ve decided to take baby steps towards your dreams, falling off the wagon is immaterial. Because the wagon is moving so slowly, you can just hop right back on!!!”

And keep on keeping on. One day, one breath, one decision at a time.

And, when we check in with each other at the start of next year, you’ll have made your goal a reality.

And, most importantly, you’ll have enjoyed the process.

Love etc, Avril

PS: How’s your NY’s resolution travelling, darling? Changing habits can be challenging – I get that. If you’re ready to become your happy shape and size in 2018, perhaps hypnotherapy is the way forward for you. Why not c’mon over here and let’s start a conversation.