Archives 2011

“If you could kick the person in the trousers responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” Mr & Mrs Anonymous

Let me ask you something laydees.

How many of you do stuff that is completely incongruent with your weight loss goals?

You’re smart enough to recognise this stuff as being detrimental…..and yet….you DO IT ANYWAY?

Doh!

“I ordered pizza AND fries? I was going to order salad.”
“Ohhh helicopter, I hit the snooze button instead of hitting the gym.”
“Scoffing a bag of jetplanes isn’t ideal but …um…well……mañana I’ll eat fruit…”

Logically we know exactly what we need to do (and to stop doing) to lose weight … and yet like some numpty:

We. Still. Do. The. Very. Thing. That. Prevents. Us. From. Being. Our. Happy. Weight.

No erudite chica would purposefully do something that keeps ‘em from their goal weight.

Or would they…

Why? Why? Why?

Here’s why.

Whenever you do something that moves you away from your weight loss goal you’re in the grasp of a juicy payoff.

You want that in English?

It means you perceive more pain around change, than you do pain around staying the same (key word here is ‘perceive). Because of this perception, you do crazy stuff which keeps you in the same ole spin cycle.

Phew. . . so this craziness has a name?

Yup.

The key to appreciating our payoffs is this:

You’re getting something out of it. Read that again, it’s important you get this, gorgeous one.

Everything we do…even the detrimental stuff… we do because we GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT.

Don’t bother telling yourself that you are the exception to this rule.
There are zero exceptions to this rule.
If you breathe …you’re under the influence, sweetheart.

I’ll say it one more time.

No juicy payoff, no repetition. Period.

“But I reaaaaaaaaaaally want to lose weight.” I know you do, darling.

At least consciously you want to. Remember though… our actions stem from the unconscious mind.

When you sabotage it’s because your unconscious mind reckons there’s benefits to staying overweight.

I know you’re thinking, “Well that’s just crazy because there’s NOTHING I like about being overweight,” but hang in there with me for a second.

This is where it gets really interesting.

Here’s a bunch of the most commonly-cited payoffs from my clients. Which of the following ring bells for you?

If I lost weight:

– It’d change the dynamics of my relationships. I’d probably leave him or have an affair.
– I’d have to get out of my comfort zone and that’s scares the sh*t outta me.
– I don’t know who I would be I’ve been overweight for so long.
– I’d need to deal with conflict rather than hiding.
– I’d have to learn to say no to people, opportunities and food.
– I need to handle rejection and learn how to deal with bad days without food.
– I might have to look at other areas of my life that aren’t working.
– It’d make all those people who have criticised my weight “right”.
– I’d have to take responsibility for myself.
– I might still be unhappy.

Essentially we’re giving ourselves mixed messages: the conscious one, “I want to lose weight’’, and the unconscious one, “yeah, if I lose weight then I don’t get to hide” (or whatever it is for you).

No wonder we do sabotage-y stuff!

Here’s how to eliminate this destructive, illogical, cray zay behaviour. Nail this and you’re removing one of the biggest obstacles to you being your happy weight.

Step 1: Get real about what your payoff is. There might be more than one.

Next time you even consider embarking on a destructive behaviour (or you catch yourself smack bang in the midst of said harmful behaviour), ask yourself:

“What am I getting out of doing this?
“What do I get to avoid by staying the same?”
“What are the benefits of not losing weight?”

And think, darling. Really dive down beyond the shallow waters.

We ALWAYS know why we’re doing crazy stuff and how it is serving us. Sometimes, we’ve just forgotten or don’t want to admit it to ourselves because if we live in denial we get to stay the same and we humans LOVE familiarity.

Be gentle.

It is vital that you’re gentle with yourself when you’re exploring you’re payoffs. No need to beat yourself up. They were originally installed as self-protection and survival mechanisms, they had a positive intention.

Safety’s a big one.

Let’s go back to caveman days for a second. The feeling of a full stomach was a biological signal of comfort in that, for the moment at least, we’d avoided the famine. We were safe from harm.

Fast forward to now and, take it one step further, we get that same feeling of ‘safety’ whenever any uncomfortable or unfamiliar feeling threatens to take us over.

And here’s the interesting twist.

If we grab for a comforting food fast enough, we can avoid consciously feeling that unpleasant emotion in the first place.

Interesting, isn’t it?

Step 2: Hold yourself accountable and look at the big fat cost.

When you find yourself doing the old thing…..STOP.

Congratulate yourself for noticing that you were running that old, crappy, unresourceful habit.

And ask yourself this: “Am I prepared to pay the price this behaviour will cost me in the long term?”

Ouch.

It’s breathtaking how quickly the appeal of overeating is lost when you are honest with yourself and you see the impact on your health and confidence, versus some ephemeral oral sensation.

So there you go, darling.

You now have a couple of carefully-crafted questions which, when used, will free you from the hostage-holding shackles of your unconscious mind and allow you to move towards your happy weight easily and effortlessly.

Remember you have to USE these questions. Knowing them and not using them will not help you lose weight. Knowledge – WITH ACTION – will bring results.

Let us know in the comments section what payoffs have until now been holding you back and, what action you’re going to take, right now? Inspire us all with what’s going to be different now. Share and we’ll keep you accountable : )

Juicy love etc, Avril

PS: If you’re sitting there saying, “none of those payoffs ring any bells for me”, it’s probably the old power of familiarity.  If you’ve been overweight for years, it’s VERY familiar! Human beings have a deeply coded need for familiarity, so track down a new way of providing consistency and familiarity… something with fewer calories : )

“Sometimes it is necessary to re-teach a thing its loveliness.” Galway Kinnell.

Sweet heart … which of these sound familiar?

“When I’ve lost 5 / 25 / 50 kgs, then I’ve love my body.”

“I’ll love myself when I’m sassier, slimmer and seeeeexier.”

If you found yourself nodding along with any of the above, permanent weight loss is not going to be easy for you.

Here’s why…

When you tell yourself stories like “I’ll love my butt when it’s the perfect peach,” you’re giving yourself conditional love.

And no-one, your good-self-included, responds to conditional love. No-one.

If you’re giving yourself conditional love you will stymie all attempts to become your happy weight. Because love-with-conditions-attached uncovers the rebellious, self-sabotaging four-year old in us all.

You know the one. That vulnerable youngster who simply yearns to be loved for who she is, right now… not for her achievements….not for how she looks… and definitely, not for how much she weighs.

What is conditional love?

Conditional love is saying “I don’t love you. Well, not yet anyway. Sure if you make some changes, then I’ll consider loving you. But right now, you’re not good enough for my love.”

Ouch.

Imagine if a boy said those words to you. You’d walk away. You’d wouldn’t give him a second glance. .. well, you would, wouldn’t you?!

And yet we do it to ourselves. All. The. Time.

Conditional love is really about beating yourself up. It’s about judgement, shame, hate and force. And it does NOT lead to weight loss.

It’s an odd concept really….if I hate myself enough, I’d end up by loving myself^$#%*!!!

If you’re sitting there saying, “It’s not that I don’t like myself, I’m a ‘foodie’. That’s all. I overeat because I like the taste of food.”

Let me ask you this:

“What do you do when you love something?”

You pay attention to it.
You take time with it.
You want to be present for every second of the enjoyment.

So let me ask you another question….”How does overeating lead to enjoyment?”

Well…..um…..it doesn’t.

Overeating leads to your tummy feeling distended and you feeling so sick you can’t think of anything except how full you are.

How’s that love? It’s more like self-abuse.

Eating is about enjoyment and nourishing your body and soul. Overeating is not.

So what is the answer then?

Change happens NOT by conditional-strings-attached “I’ll love you when you weigh less” love.

Change happens when you come from a position of acceptance, knowing that you already are perfect, whole and complete, right now. Change happens when you begin to REALLY inhibit your body with love and any option except taking care of it is unthinkable.

It is this 100% self-acceptance keeps the rebellious four-year-old happy and the self-sabotage away.

And this is where Kinnel’s delightful words resonate:

“Sometimes it is necessary to re-teach a thing its loveliness.”

Our broken-ness is learned, not innate. Children come into this world knowing they are already gorgeous and utterly deserving of love. We need to un-learn the illusion of our broken-ness.

Only kindness makes sense. Anything else is excruciating. We need to take care of our bodies with reverence instead of stuffing them.

Be curious.
Be gentle.
Be engaged.

Without cynicism, the hopelessness, the anger.

Two Wonderful ‘Getting Back To Love’ Recovery Questions

We all have days where we trip and fall despite our best intentions. Here are two fabulous recovery questions which you can ask yourself if you feel yourself slipping into the old pattern of beating yourself up.

– How would love respond?

– What’s the most loving thing I can do right now?

What Would You Do For Love?

Answer the following question with as many responses as you can which reflect how you’re going to celebrate honouring yourself. Poor yourself a glass of something yum, grab a pen and paper and celebrate you.

– I love myself enough to….

How To Practice Unconditional Love.

As you’ve learned today the most nourishing kind of love is unconditional. The great news is you can feel as much of it as you like by feeling it for someone else (cos let’s face it, sometimes it can feel a bit of a stretch to feel it for ourselves).

Try this now: think of someone (or something, yes it could be your dawg), you adore unconditionally. Focus your mind on that person (or woofer) and feel how much love you have for them. Let it build and build and build. Really feel it. Breathe it in and keep appreciating how wonderful they are. How good does that feel?

By giving unconditional love to someone else, you get to feel as much of it as you like. Because by GIVING you are always RECEIVING.

If you want to feel love, give love.

Only love will ignite your thinner sparkle. Get ready to fall truly, crazily, gorgeously and – with every fibre of your being – in love with yourself.

Unconditional love etc, Avril

Have you ever wondered what makes some people super duper successful and others…well, not so much?

We all know stories of uber successful folks who have come from zip: zero education, unfortunate family circumstances, no money … and have made it BIG, bay bee.

And we also know others who are smart, capable and talented, but who never quite…well…..um… seem to fulfill their potential. They’re always struggling to get it together.

I’ve given this a lot of thought lately, and I think it comes down to this….there are two kinds of people in the world.

And no… it’s not cat people versus dog people…….

Seriously now.

The two kinds of people: those who have reasons and those who have results.

The folks who have ‘reasons’ have countless excuses (in which they are breathtakingly fluent) about why they don’t have happiness and success in life in general, and weight loss, specifically.

– I can’t lose weight because I’m too busy with work and the kids.
– I can’t make a lot of money because self-promotion “just isn’t me.”
– I can’t have a great relationship because all the good guys are already taken.

You probably have someone like this in your life.

Talented. Well-intentioned.  And a total non-action taker!

She’s got a truck load of excuses for Ev Re Blar D Thing. Hang around her for more than 20 minutes and she makes you want to shake her.

Contrast Miss Reasons Galore with someone else you know who gets results.

Notice Miss Successful doesn’t let any ‘reason’ (aka excuse) get in the way of producing what she wants.

Sure Miss Successful has challenges like everyone else, but somehow, she finds a way to overcome them and keep truckin’ ahead.

Instead of making excuses, she gets to work, takes action, solves problems and simply makes things happen.

Yee haaah!

Now here’s where this gets interesting…

This is not some pre-determined trait. In any given moment, you get to CHOOSE which kind of person you want to be. You can choose to be a person who has a stack of “reasons” why you’re not where you should be in your life, your career, your relationship and your weight loss . . .

Or … you can choose to drop all those bull sh*t reasons and be the kind of person who’s known for getting RESULTS.

Yes. It’s really that simple. So what will you choose?

Here’s a couple of Qs to help you see where you’re playing the ‘reasons’ card without your conscious consent.

Have a good look at yourself and your life. Be as honest as you can. How do you play the “reasons” white card and shirk responsibility in your life?

Dig deep to find specific examples for the questions.

– Do you revert back to a child around your parents, and then blame them? How  specifically?

– Do you wait until the kids are driving you crazy before you commence discipline…then blame the children for your frustration … or your partner for their lack of parenting?

– Do you hesitate to tell your partner what you want emotionally, sexually or generally within the relationship and then blame them for your discontent?

– Do you regularly complain about things? If so, what exactly?

– How do you blame others for your unhappiness? In what ways?

– Do you find yourself being judgemental of others or yourself? In what situations?

– Do you hide your true feelings in case they upset someone else? (I’m not suggesting that we need to express ALL of our feelings ALL of the time – and certainty not without regard for others. I am suggesting that when we hide our feelings out of fear of consequence, we are living a victim’s existence).

– Are you living your life as you genuinely want to live it?

How was that darling? A bit ouchy? It’s OK. You’re right where you need to be.

Rest assured that you can ONLY become empowered when you are aware of the ways in which your own voice of of ‘reason’ is limiting you. We find our little victim ‘reasons’ voice in a multitude of hiding places, hidden behind resentment, frustration, or the quiet peacekeeper…until it explodes!

Give yourself the gift of NOT focusing on your reasons or drama or victimhood again.

As we become more aware of how we play the ‘reason’ card, we become instantly empowered to create something different.

When the going is good anyone can get results. It’s only when we’re personally challenged that we’re put to the test. I like to believe that when the sh*t hits, it’s nature’s way of saying that we’re ready for this and let the steel and resolve kick in &*%^&#$%!!!!

Know this. Everyone has bad weeks. Everyone. It’s what you do with them that matters.

Will you choose reasons or results?

Love and results (and the occasional ‘reason’), Avril

You can choose to sit and worry about the worst that could happen, or you can start making progress now, and choose to have faith that everything will work out.

You can cancel the plans you made while you were on that emotional high, or you can go through with your ambitious plans anyway.

You can choose to continue down the path everyone else follows, or you can choose to start living with intention, right now.

You can choose not to contact that person because you could be rejected, or you can reach out because you might be accepted.

You can choose scarcity or choose abundance.

You can choose fear or choose bravery.

You can choose to play their game, responding to negativity with more negativity, or you can turn their energy into a source of creativity and opportunity.

You can ignore your inner genius because it doesn’t fit within someone else’s worldview, or you can embrace who you were meant to be and give all you have to the world.

You can choose to blame others or to take responsibility.

The energy it takes to make either of these choices is the same.

You always have a choice.

Which choice will you make, right now?”

The words you’ve just read are from Corbett Barr. He’s an inspirational chap who provides encouragement and know-how for adventurous entrepreneurs. I encourage you to choose to check him out.

Share with us in the comments the different choices you’re going to make, starting now. Choose to be brave and true to your path, sparkly one ; )

And most of all…

…choose love, Avril

We Are What We Eat is a notion we’ve all heard before. It turns out… We are also What We Speak.

Who knew?!

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it. I mean c’mon. Words don’t have calories, do they?!

Well, no. They don’t actually contain calories.

That’d just be silly ; )

But – and this is pretty cool – they do have the capacity to shape our bodies. And our lives.

I’m going to share with you a little-known quirk of the unconscious mind which, although deceptively simple, will make an enormous difference in your world. Promise.

It’s important to understand this curious quirk or you’ll unwittingly use your words against your-good-self.

Now, that really would be silly.

You’ll set yourself up for failure. You’ll overeat. You’ll self-sabotage.

But by learning how to use your words with volition, you’ll be able to forego the drudgery of counting calories and become your happy weight easily and effortlessly.

How great would that be? Awesome.

“Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.” Pearl Strachan

The curious quirk I’m going to share with you today is…

…that the unconscious mind cannot process a negative.

I’m guessing you want that in plain English. Here tis.

What that means is that our mind struggles with being told ‘what not to do’. And yet that’s the way in which most of us instruct our minds.

“Don’t be silly….don’t eat that….don’t think about the biscuits in the pantry….”

Our mind much prefers when we tell it ‘what to do.’

Let’s play.

If I say to you, “Don’t think of a pink elephant”.

What happens is you automatically make a picture in your mind of a pink elephant and then think “oops, she said NOT a pink elephant.”

When you give your mind (or anybody else’s) an instruction in the negative it first needs to think of the thing you’re telling it ‘not to think of’, so it can then think ‘aha, so the opposite of that’.

The way to communicate with your unconscious mind (and remember that’s where all lasting change happens) is to always give clear instructions in the positive.

What that means is SAY IT AS YOU WANT IT.

The mantra of many women who are unhappy with their weight is, “I don’t want my fat butt” or “I don’t like my cellulite”.

Now that you know how the mind works, you know that what its hearing is, “I don’t want fat butt” or “I like my cellulite”. Or words to this negative effect.

These ladies would get significantly better results if they changed their language to “I’d like a bottom which looks great in jeans” or “I’d like smooth thighs”.

Now that you know this rule of the unconscious mind you can use it with volition. Use it with your children, husband and anyone in your life so you can get the results you want.

A-ha. I can see your mind ticking over from here, filled with possibilities…

That’s right. This is useful stuff!

Instead of “Don’t slam the door” you’ll increase your chance of getting the result you desire from Miss Eleven if instead you say “Close the door quietly”.

Say it how you want it.

“Drive safely” will get a different result to “Don’t speed”.

If you’re not getting the results you want from your children, your husband or yourself – start stating it as you want.

Use it with volition depending upon the outcome you’re after. e.g. there’s a world of difference between “Please contact me if you have any questions” and “Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions”.

Like I said. Use it will volition depending on the result you want : )

Have you ever wondered why people whose conversations are peppered with “No worries”, “No problem” and ‘Don’t stress” are often the ones with the most worries, problems and stress in their lives?

True or true?!

Wouldn’t you rather have “All good”, “Awesome”, “Delightful”.

I wouldn’t want you to have fun with it ; )